Endlessly Gravitating (James Potter X Reader)

What makes one happy

I stare out at the falling snow, watching as it lands delicately among its counterparts. "Miss L/N?" I jump slightly, deja vu sending me back to my days at Ilvermorny.

Looking at Professor McGonagall she just produces an amused, knowing smile, "yes?"

"How are you liking it here?" She questions, a hint of amusement still tinting her words.

I smile, "I like it a lot. It has been a great opportunity." I move away from the window and closer to her desk.

"And how do you like England?"

I pause to think for a moment. I drag my finger along the wood of the desk next to me and glance outside again. "It's better than America in ways that are most important to me," I answer, carefully selecting each word.

She takes a while to say anything more and I wonder if she was done with the conversation. "Do you believe you will stay?"

I find myself at a loss for words as the question repeats in my head. I look over at her with an almost dumb look. The lack of a solid answer shocked me. I thought I would say no. "I guess I really don't know," I find myself replying.

McGonagall stood and gravitated toward the window, an unreadable expression on her face. She once again took her time in replying, "I have noticed you work really well here and get along well with the students." Suddenly, my heartbeat felt faster and louder in my ears. James flashes through my thoughts.

"I don't know about that," I say uncertain and hesitant.

"I believe you could do well here," Her words wash away my anxious thoughts as I realize what she is saying. I blush and try to repress a smile, "Professor sprout will be with us for many years to come, but I am sure she wouldn't mind a second teacher among her."

I splutter slightly, "I don't know," I begin, but find myself at a loss for words.

She waves her hands placatingly, "nothing is set in stone, this is just my own personal view. That said, I would vouch for you if you ever so choose to inquire."

xXx

I walk along the hall, lost in my thoughts. The moonlight shone through the windows as I moved along aimlessly. Professor McGonagall's words had been plaguing me all day, and I still had no idea what I would do.

"I thought you were a student," I jump and turn to look at him. He is leaning against the wall and I can just make out the shape of the curls on his head. "Almost gave you detention."

I hold back a smile, "you can't give detention."

"I'm pretty persuasive, all of the teachers love me," He brags, walking over to stop in front of me.

"Um," I tilt my head, "That is not what I've heard."

He smirks and crosses his arms, "what are you roaming the halls for?" James' eyes flit over me and a shy feeling brushes over me.

"McGonagall thinks I should stay."

I watch something change in his face. His eyes grew and the moon seemed to hit them just right to add a glimmer. A glimmer of what I had been too oblivious to realize in the moment. James' hand finds a place in his hair as he seems to think seriously for a minute. All he could manage though was a dumb, "here?"

"Yes," I reply with a slight unsteady shake to the word, "she said she would vouch for me if I came requesting a job."

I saw a quick flicker of a smile, before he quicky replaced it, "Um," he cleared his throat, "isn't that a good thing?" We begin walking as he still had to continue with his rounds.

"I don't know," I exclaim unintentionally. Regaining myself, I sigh softly, "I don't know if I can leave everything I know. The people that need me."

"Miss," He begins, but after my thoughts had pestered me more, I interrupt him with a rant.

"Besides, I do not have the means to completely uproot myself and move to England!" I throw my hands up and blush as I almost hit the boy in the face."Where am I supposed to live? I can't afford an apartment or house. And, and I have no one here! I mean, I've never had anybody, but I have the orphanage and the kids to think of."

"Miss," He interrupts, stepping in front of me and forcing me to look him in the eye. James reaches out, before seeming to think better of it and stopping. "Y/N," he says firmly, and I begin to protest, but he stops me with a look that causes shivers to run down my spine and a deep blush to burn at my cheeks, "You are not responsible for them. If," He pauses and his eyebrows seem to furrow in a concentrated almost hopeful sort of way, "if England is your opportunity, take it. Worry about everything else later." This time his hand continues to brush his thumb against my cheekbone.

"I am not going to leave them," I say resolutely, even though the same resolution makes me realize how badly I wanted to stay. He can see it on my face. It's only been a few months and he can read me so easily.

"But Y/N," He started.

"James, stop it." I sigh, exasperated.

"No," He says and I jump slightly when his hand grips my hip and he steps closer. I can't refrain from leaning forward and sighing breathily. His other hand finds my waist, seemingly keeping me from falling over, "that's what I thought." He whispered in my ear and made my stomach flip.

"James," I had meant for it to come out firm and in warning, but instead the word was mumbled and completely unintentionally, slightly encouraging.

The man's hand moved from my hip to join the other on my waist. It gave me more comfort now and I found myself wanting to fall into him. "All I wanted to say is do want you want, don't feel guilty for making yourself happy." He whispered.

I stare up at him and breathe out slowly, before standing on my toes and placing a soft kiss on his lips. I can almost feel his heartbeat with mine as his hand tightens on my waist. However, I pull away and let him hold my hand for only a second, before walking away.

I cried that night. I cried because of the stress weighing me down all day. I cried at the thought of leaving the kids alone. I cried because I kissed a student, and the guilt was immense. I cried because in doing that I was leading him on and can never move further. I cried because I didn't want to leave him, and I cried because I love him.