accountabilibuddy

III

a/n Hi hello sorry for the wait for chapter 3!! this is a very shitty chapter so im sorry haha.

this chapter also contains brief descriptions of a shutdown/meltdown!

connor never liked prayers. it made him feel guilty. but praying in a room full of strangers, and counsellors who were praying for him to get rid of something he can't change felt even worse.
after, connor felt like breaking down, as he walked down the halls to the cafeteria for dinner, but couldn't because kevin was there. sweet, handsome kevin. no. turn it off. this isn't okay. stop it connor, this is why heavenly father isn't curing you.

kevin stopped connor's train of thought.
"hey, con, do you wanna sit with my friends chris, james and arnold at dinner? they're really cool!" kevin asked, smiling mirthfully. connor nodded, slowly, and kevin took his hand, leading him to the cafeteria. connor felt as if his whole world was crumbling and being rebuilt at the same time. kevin price was holding his hand. kevin price. the person he was madly in love with. at a strict conversion camp.

soon, they arrived at the cafeteria. kevin was rambling about various things to know about the camp, but connor wasn't listening. his mind was blank, and nothing was making sense. he wanted to scream, but he couldn't. he wanted to go home,, but then again, where was home? sure, he had a house, but he wasn't welcome there. he was only welcome there if he was a perfect little straight mormon boy. which he wasn't, and was almost sure he'd never be. he loved kevin, but he knew if he ever expressed those feelings to him, they would not be reciprocated and kevin would most likely distance himself from connor. but he was used to that, so hopefully it wouldn't hurt as bad this time.

connor was brought back down to earth, once again, by kevin gently poking him.
"hey, con, you okay?" connor blushed, madly and nodded swiftly.
"okay, good. so, as i was saying, most of the food here sucks. except for their pasta bake. if there's none left when it's your time to get food, you're kinda screwed. but it's okay, because i made sure we're gonna be some of the first in the line!"
connor nodded, again, not really paying attention to what kevin was saying. a few minutes later, he felt another gentle push.
"connor! get your food before the pasta bake runs out!" kevin called, and connor quickly picked up the scoop and spooned the food onto his plate, before kevin did the same. kevin took connors hand yet again, and connor almost burst into tears. he didn't want to be here. he couldn't take this much longer. no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't turn off his feelings for kevin.
kevin lead connor to a small table, just about in the middle of the bustling dinner hall. aside from kevin and connor, there were 4 boys, who connor assumed to be his age, sitting on the other side. the tall, thin boy with dark, neat hair, square glasses, and an outfit identical to kevin's smiled gently at him. connor could've sworn he flashed a look of sympathy but that was obviously impossible.
"hi! i'm james, welcome to camp newgrace! i see kevin's your accountabilibuddy, you kinda hit the jackpot, kevins the best," the boy who connor now knew as james said, and connor waved.
"i-i'm connor," he mumbled, and james smiled again.
"sooo,, is anyone else going to introduce themselves, or do i have to?" james sighed, good-naturedly, before a boy much shorter than james, with freckles, similar to connor's, and curly blonde hair spoke up.
"hi! im chris, but everyone here calls me poptarts, cos i love 'em so much! i also play the ukulele, and james is my accountabilibuddy! but he's also my best friend! gosh, james is such a good friend," he said, as james did a seemingly lighthearted facepalm.
"yes, chris, we know you like poptarts. arnold do you want to introduce yourself?" james gestured at a slightly chubbier boy, with curly brunette hair, (slightly tighter than chris') and glasses.
"hi, new friend! im arnold! i don't have gay thoughts, but my parents say i have an active imagination that needs to be sorted out, so boom! im here! what are you interested in, connor?" arnold exclaimed, slightly too loud for connors liking, but nevertheless answered.
"well,, i like tap dancing, strawberry açai drinks,and musicals!" connor replied, forgetting for a second that he was in a gay conversion camp.
"someone's putting the camp in camp newgrace, yeesh," the boy next to arnold grumbled. his brown hair was slicked back perfectly, and he had an unimpressed expression plastered on his face, as poptarts gave him a sour expression in return for his comment. but apart from that, no one said anything. no one stood up for him. and connor was too scared to do it himself.
"and that's alastor! my accountabilibuddy! he can be a little grumpy sometimes but im sure he'll love you!" arnold said, and connor just stopped himself from cringing. alastor wouldn't love him. no one here would. he hated himself for having these thoughts. why him? why not someone with more self control?
a few minutes of kevin, arnold, poptarts, and james chatting and connor and alastor sitting in silence, with alastor occasionally giving connor death stares later, kevin let connor know it was time for evening prayers, bible study, then curfew. kevin took connors hand, leading him to the hall again. connor was absolutely exhausted, despite only being there for a few hours.
because connor mckinley was an incurable gay failure and everyone knew it.