Burnout

Turning Point

I'd spent who knows how long planning, but I couldn't think of almost anything useful. I'd have to use the cover of night to get food, but I couldn't go to any of my regular stops since they'd probably think to look there. I had no clue where I was supposed to get fresh water, I didn't have any of my tools to make anything that might help me through this, and I couldn't get the power or electricity on. At least underground, we could control the temperature since solids and liquids maintained the same temperature easier. Night would be cold, and I wasn't even sure how things were going to be out during the day. The building clearly wasn't insulated well and didn't have any sort of protection from overheating, and there were a multitude of fire hazards strewn around. It was exhausting having to do all the work, usually at least Leo would do something to help with the planning part, but this time, I was on my own. It's what I'd wanted, right? To be free from being afraid of the people I'm around all the time and just have time to actually be myself? I could do whatever I wanted, I didn't have to act the way anyone expected and it would be fine. But... I missed my family. I missed the laughter that echoed along the walls of our dark home, I missed learning things from Master Splinter, I missed seeing Raph with Spike, I missed watching Leo's eyes light up every time Space Heroes came on, and I missed Mikey's jokes and the company he gave me when no one else paid attention to me. I missed the way April would look at me when I protected her and feeling her arms wrap around me and said thank you afterwards. 

Why couldn't I do a single thing right? I couldn't stay with my family, but I couldn't even leave them properly. Why did they all think I was so smart when I was really so incredibly stupid? All I wanted was to be accepted and get a break, but instead of making anything even remotely better, I made things so much worse. I missed being a kid with no one having any expectations for me yet, getting praise for plugging things in before the others and being able to play around the rest of the time. Why didn't Splinter get it? He took so many breaks, so much time for meditation and relaxation to come to terms with his past, why couldn't he just give me that time too? He recommended it to everyone else from time to time, and even to me, but when I actually asked for the time, he denied it! And look where that got everyone, I'd ran away, there was a stranger who "kidnapped" an unconscious human, who was actually me, everyone else was stressed, Raph and Mikey had fresh trauma from me, and I still wasn't doing anything helpful. Maybe I deserved to be alone forever since I wasn't useful anymore, they clearly didn't want me if I couldn't do what their impression of me could always do. It was getting close to night, so I could get ready to go out. I'd probably call them using a payphone to let them know I was alright but that I wasn't coming back for a long time, if ever, then I'd have to find some source of food and water that they couldn't track me to. Maybe I'd have to start doing things in a way I'm not used to? If I was doing things the opposite of my way, they'd be stuck looking where they'd think I'd be. 

It was mean to do that though... but I couldn't worry about it because I knew they'd be happier without me. They'd stop looking soon and move on with their lives, finding someone else to replace me who was better at what I should've been doing the whole time. Nightfall came quicker than I'd expected, so I snuck around the city until I found a payphone, then dialed Leo's number. It took a while, but he answered. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to answer unknown numbers after all, which was a bit painful to admit. "Hello?" His voice rang clearly in my ear. 

"Hey Leo, it's Donnie..."

"Donnie! Where are you?! We're so worried!" He was a bit loud. 

"I'm... not going to tell you... I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe and I have everything I need, so you don't need to worry about me anymore." 

"What do you mean you're not telling me? Why? Is something wrong? Is there a reason you can't tell us?"

"I just don't want to, ok? It's fine though, really. Nothing's wrong, and there's nothing keeping me from telling you besides myself." I sighed. "But, I guess what I mean to say is that I'm not coming back for a while. I love you, Leo, and I love Raph and Mikey too. Tell Raph I'm sorry for hitting him earlier."