Dear Jo,

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Jo's Pov

'He left me' I say to Mer as I start to sob 'and you know what's even worse? He left me through a letter, he couldn't face me because he knew he wouldn't be able to leave so SURPRISE I get left through a letter, by the only person I ever believed when they said they wouldn't leave me.'
'Oh Jo' Mer replies pulling me into a tight hug.
'I don't want your pity Mer' I yell pulling out off the hug 'You know you probably knew about Alex leaving anyway, right? You were each others person and what not.'
'Jo I swear I had no idea until I got the letter he sent me today.' Mer says with tears welling up in her eyes. ' And Jo you are the strongest person I know you got through an abusive relationship, scratch that you got through TWO abusive relationships. Hell you got through me making your life a nightmare during your residency so I have NO doubt about the fact that you can get through this. That you can get through Alex leaving. Ok?'
'Its not that simple' I say taking the positive pregnancy test out of my pocket and showing Meredith.

After a few minutes of excruciating silence Mer finally speaks.
'Have you told him yet?' She asks.
'No I can't' I reply forcing back the volcano of tears threatening to erupt from my eyes 'I've picked up the phone to call him a hundred times and every time I go to call him I feel sick. I mean physically sick, my hands start shaking and I feel like throwing up because no matter how much I hate Alex for leaving me I need him here, I need him every time I get a surge of morning sickness, I need him after every long shift just to be there and sleep by my side, I need him there for every ultrasound to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay. And you know the ironic thing is I need him here, I need him right now to tell me that I can get through this, that I can get through him leaving me. How pathetic right, the person who caused me all this pain, the one person I can't have, the person who left me is the one that I need to comfort me.'
'Jo...' Mer starts to speak
'No Mer' I interrupt 'Please let me finish'
Mer say nothing but gives me a nod, signaling for me to continue.
'You know I actually pressed the call button once and he answered but before either of us could speak I heard these voices in the background, these kids voices, his kids voices and I realized that no matter how much I want to hate them, to hate his kids, I can't because whenever I picture them I picture a little boy smiling a smile so much alike his fathers, so bright and happy, a smile that can make all your doubts and fears just disappear, a smile that's so crooked. A smile just like the one I fell in love with. And then I picture a little girl with a sense of humor just like her fathers, a laugh that instantly makes you happy no matter how sad you are, and her sarcasm oh boy her sarcasm you hear some of the things she says and you instantly know that she got it off of her dad. Then I realize the the person I really hate in this situation isn't Eli or Alexis, hell it's not even Alex, It's Izzie. She was so selfish making all these decision without even giving him a second thought and even though he isn't here I can tell how much it killed Alex when he found out about the twins, when he found out he'd missed five years of their lives. I know how much Alex blamed himself for all of this and despite how mad I am I'm a hell of a lot better person than Izzie is or ever will be. And I'll be damned if I ever make Alex go through that again, so I'm gonna tell him and I'm gonna give him that option and if he chooses to forget I ever told him and just walk away and choose her it will kill me, like physically kill me because I love him so much but your right I will get through it and I will survive because I'm a FREAKING WARRIOR QUEEN' I finish wiping the steady stream of tears off of my face.
Mer looks at me and says only one thing, 'Well it looks like we're going to Kansas then'...