The 20 Percent

Chapter 14

It's snowing. I look outside, it's so bright.

My dad is playing his game, and the heater is running.

My mom is home today, she's playing the game with my dad.

"Can I play outside?"

"Go ask your mom." Is all he says.

I go back into my parents' room.

"Hey sis, what's up?" My mom asks me.

"Dad told me to ask you if I can play outside."

"Bundle up, two layers of pants, and a long sleeve shirt with a coat, and two layers of socks."

I nod eagerly, running into my room to change.

I love the snow.

I go outside and try and make a snowman, but I am not good at it.

My mom joins me outside and we make snow angels.

I want to hug her, but I am scared of starting contact.

We lay beside each other, and I am looking at the sky as the snow rains down on us.

My sister joins us outside and makes a snow angel with us.

"I love you guys." I hear my mom say, and my chest squeezes. I love you too mom.

It's dark in my room. The window is taped up because of the cold air getting into the room, from where my dad shattered the glass.

Today was not a very good day.

My mom was gone, something about a Halloween party.

She doesn't really get out much, my dad doesn't let her leave often.

This time she left without caring of what he said. I am proud of you mom.

I look outside, holding the back of my aching head. He slapped me upside the head when I didn't answer him quick enough.

I look at the streetlights that illuminate the road and imagine myself running away.

Running somewhere far away, the like Fiona who is the queen of Far Far Away.

If I was a Queen, I wouldn't be experiencing this right? I don't know. I'm not a Queen.

I move to sit down on the edge of my bed, waving my hand in front of my face to see if I have night vision.

I see the faint outline of my hand and I concentrate really hard.

Maybe if I had a cool superpower my dad would think I was useful.

I hear the front door creak open, and I smile.

My mom is home!

I don't dare move to go into the living room though, it is too late for me to be awake.

I hear my dad say something to her and she responds back.

My dad starts yelling and my mom is yelling too.

There's a loud bang and my mom sounds really upset.

I don't get out of my room, I am scared. I am a coward; I can't even help my mom.

I lay in bed and cover my ears.

Reading became an escape for me.

My mom used to bribe me to read, but then she brought home Goosebumps, a huge box of them.

I picked one up and started reading it and soon enough it became an addiction.

There was something so relaxing to read about someone else's life, to be transported into their world.

I wasn't Klarisa.

I was Tessa, the warlock who saved her friends on many occasions.

I was Bella, the human who had a protective vampire boyfriend who loved her even though she thought she was plain or boring.

Reading these books brought me into their world and I wasn't alone.

I was so tired of being alone.

I remember sitting underneath a tree and reading books, the breeze ruffling my hair and the sun shining down on me.

We had a big yard, and one huge tree that I would sit under.

"Let's climb the tree!" My sister says to me, and I put down the book I was reading at the time.

"Alright!" I place my bare feet on the bark, the tree split off into 4 different sections. So, there was a hole where you could put your feet in from where logs meet before splitting off.

I hoist myself up on one of the branches, sitting there and swinging my legs.

I breathe in the fresh air and my sister is sitting a few branches away from me.

"Dads in a bad mood today." She says to me, picking at the bud of the growing leaf.

"What is he making for dinner?"

"Cubed steak." I groan audibly and Carmella smiles.

I know she's just as sick as I am with the cubed steak.

I observe my sister and feel a small flutter of resentment in my chest for her.

She is perfect. Pretty, smart. Dad has never called her retarded.

That's not her fault, I know that.

She knows when to stop talking so my dad doesn't get angry enough to hurt her. I know that too.

She is better with dealing with her emotions on the inside than I am.

I've always been an open feeler. I am afraid that I will always be that way.

"Do you want to play barbies after we eat?" I nod my head yes.

I like playing barbies with her, she lets me choose whichever barbie I want to play with.

Me and my sister have had a strained relationship for most of my life and what I can remember.

"My friend Josie is staying the night tonight." I was excited. I know that Josie is my sister's friend, but maybe I have someone else to play with.

Josie gets dropped off and my dad's entire attitude changes whenever she walks through the door.

I know he is making it seem like he is a caring dad, so that way Josie doesn't say anything about him when she gets home.

"Do you want to play barbies?" I was jealous of Josie.

My sister plays barbies with me, not Josie.

"Can I play too?" Josie giggles, and Carmella rolls her eyes.

"No." I feel myself start to tear up.

"Please?"

"She said no, shut up." Josie says and my heart twists in my chest.

I start to cry, and my dad enters the room.

"Why are you crying?"

"We told her she couldn't play barbies with us." My sister says immediately.

I feel betrayed. Doesn't she know he's going to be mean to me?

"Josie is your sister's friend. Not yours. Don't cry because you don't have any." Josie bursts into laughter, and I turn on my side to look at the wall.

Carmella is quiet, I don't think she likes it when dad is mean to me.

I am hugging my body, trying to comfort myself.

"Your sister is weird." Josie says in a hushed whisper, and I feel dead inside. I am weird.