Save Me (An Eddie Diaz 911 Fanfiction)

Fallout

Then, after drying the skin, he went to her cabinets and pulled out her first aid kit. Gently, he put a bit of ointment on his fingers and applied it to skin. It stung, but Jane didn't move. She couldn't move, for when she did, this spell of peace would be broken, and she would have to address what had happened. But everything ended at some point, even peace. He wrapped her arm with some clean gauze, the last step.

Once he was finished, Eddie went to move away, but she caught his hand in hers. Her actions disturbed her. They concerned her. She hadn't had a flash since she'd been on her meds, and she hadn't had one that bad since her first attack. Sure, part of her issues could be attributed to the trial and stress, but there was something else. The voice had been back now. It wasn't a foreign voice, although it frequently took the tone of people Jane had known in her past. No. That voice was one-hundred percent Jane and her own depressive thoughts. Her own self-doubts that had been internalized. These thoughts were back, and they were worse than ever before. If Eddie hadn't shown up... she'd been thinking of other ways to get him off of her.

Darker things.

But that wasn't what she cared about right then. She cared about Eddie. She cared about hurting him. How could she have hurt him? She hadn't meant to, and she'd never have done it if she'd realized... she'd hit him. She knew that she'd hit him and she might never forgive herself.

He should leave. He should leave her. She was so...so broken and empty. She was crazy and she'd attacked him. He would be better off leaving. Protecting himself and Christopher from someone like her. They both deserved better than she could ever be. Maybe if life had been kinder. Maybe if she were a more complete person, but these past couple of weeks she'd been so empty and then so angry and then so sad that she couldn't stand it.

"I'm so sorry. I was...I was so consumed in my dream, like it had really happened and...I lost my mind for a moment. I'm so sorry."

"Jane," he murmured softly.

"You should go," she responded in kind, her voice just as gentle as his had been. Neither wanted to disrupt the balance they had at the moment, like they were on the precipice and could either come together or fall apart in a single word. "You should go home."

"Jane-"

"I'm sorry," she closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry Eddie. These past few weeks...I don't know. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe...maybe we were a mistake."

"No," he said simply. "No. We aren't."

"I hurt you," her voice cracked. "I hurt you."

"You didn't even hit me. I startled you and you reacted. I caught your hand before you even had a chance to touch me."

"I...I didn't?"

"You didn't."

"Promise?" Her voice was small, and it broke on the word.

"Pinky promise," he told her, trying to get her to smile. Christopher was on a pinky promise kick, and Jane had gotten a unique kick out of making them all use pinky promises. However, this time her lips didn't even twitch up.

"Still, you should go. I'm...I'm not-"

"You're not what?"

"I'm not good Eddie," she cried. "I'm not. I'm broken and sad and so angry sometimes that I just...I don't know what to do with myself. And you, you should leave and find someone who can just...who can just be good all the time without all of this- all of this emptiness."