✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

119. Aftercare

"If it's okay with you, that's all I could ask for." Another smile; there was natural happiness in it, she thought, but he was also deliberately trying to show her that he was content. He wanted to make sure she was comfortable. He was trying to head off her worries; to let her know that the extreme baby stuff wasn't everything. Maybe she could be comfortable with that. If she could do it for Gabby, she certainly would for Spike.

Their conversation went back to the food for a while, and to things they might have seen on television. Ffrances was surprised to hear that Spike hadn't actually been watching the latest season of Live From Palmerston!, meaning that the scenes he could quote were all from the previous year, or picked up by memetic osmosis from people quoting them at school or sharing clips on Clatter. Tess knew that he didn't always have the opportunity to catch up with TV, but she hadn't realised just how much he had missed. That made her worry again; as much as she told herself she worried about his life at home, she really didn't know the extent of his problems. They ate in silence for a moment, not wanting to mention the thoughts that were on their minds then, until Spike broke the silence by asking if they'd seen the period drama that his stepfather seemed to be obsessing over now.

Spike could put on a wonderful Scottish accent, complaining about the ongoing failures of "That Boy", but to Tess it was clear that he'd learned the voice without actually interacting with a person from Scotland. After he'd done what was probably a very good impression of the character, Tess tried her own. She might not have watched That Boy, but some of her classmates at a previous school had found it amusing to teach the new girl how to put on a thick accent. It was enough to bring more laughter to the table, and before the meal ended the three of them were doing their best impressions of all the most egregious or impenetrable accents they had seen in movies and TV. It wasn't long before they were all laughing, and for a while Tess could forget all about her earlier worries. In fact, she wasn't thinking about anything but the next hilarious voice she could do.

"Hey, I think we're forgetting about dinner," Spike said, and pointed down at Tess's plate. "Do I need to help feed the little one?" His fork reached down to her plate, and then he held it out for her. For a moment they all held their breath, not quite sure if this was going to be too much again. And she could see the nervousness in his face, as he started to lose confidence in something that had seemed like such a good idea at the time. But being fed by a grown-up wasn't that embarrassing. Or... well, it was, but in a cute way rather than a degrading way. Tess wasn't sure that she understood the difference, but she thought she might be able to get comfortable with this. She laughed a little, leaned closer, and opened her mouth.

"Good girl," Spike said as he stroked her hair again, gently encouraging her to bring her head closer to him. After a few minutes he had both plates in front of him, and was spending more time feeding Tess than he was eating himself. It seemed a little silly at first, but it wasn't long before Tess found herself feeling giddy and childish, just like the kind of kid who would normally be treated like this. It got even easier to feel so small and helpless when he used his napkin to wipe some imaginary morsel of food off her cheek, or gave her another gentle kiss on the forehead. She didn't even realise until she thought about it later that she'd been sitting in his lap. Was that a bad thing to do? She didn't know; but at the time, she'd just been too innocent to think about it.

"I'm full!" she squeaked after a while, and rubbed her tummy to make the point. She knew she was acting like a little kid now, but it was fun. Just like playing a game. If this was what Daddy wanted to do to her, she would have agreed without any question. Then she looked at the two plates in front of them. She was vaguely aware that he'd been giving her some of his own dinner as well, picking the little rice balls that were the cutest shape, or the bits which seemed to have the most stretchy cheese. But there was still so much on the plate; Spike had been feeding her so much that he didn't eat his own.

"Good girl," he said. "I think you really enjoyed that, didn't you?" Tess didn't get to answer; as soon as she opened her mouth, there was a pacifier in it. But this time she wasn't going to complain. She felt so happy to be with somebody who loved her so much, and let her adult thoughts fade a little more as she started sucking. If this was enough for him, there would be no more friction. But there was still something missing. And now that she was aware of what was happening to her, and how the hypnosis was moulding her thoughts, she knew what was wrong. She just couldn't be comfortable being passive for too long; she needed to be doing something. And there was something to do right at hand.

"Okay, your turn!" she said, and reached out for a fork. "Daddy has to eat too."

It wasn't as easy as she might have thought. Spike started saying something about how she didn't need to do that. Tess tried to get the fork to his mouth while he was talking, like he'd done to her once or twice. But he didn't stop moving, and she was aware that when she finally got the chance, it was because he was distracted by Ffrances's hand on his shoulder. Still, even if she needed a little help, Tess knew she was doing something good. And the smile on his face confirmed it. Spike had fed her dinner, and now she could feed him; and he seemed to be enjoying it just as much as she had.

"You finished now?" Ffrances asked as she took away two empty plates. Despite her earlier declaration of fullness, Tess hadn't been able to resist a few more bites, and she was sure that they were both stuffed now.

"Yeah," Tess answered, and gave a giggle. "I was going to say this baby's full too. I don't know where my headspace is at now. If I'm the baby playing at feeding Daddy, or I started feeling like a big sister at some point."

"You don't have to choose," Spike answered. "Just do what feels natural for you. If you're comfortable with being a little older..."

"I'm comfortable with being younger too. Or I can be. It might take a little effort to work out how far we're comfortable pushing those lines. But we can experiment, can't we? Figure out what's best for both of us."

"Yeah," he said. "I won't mess up next time. And maybe..."

Tess glanced up at Ffrances, maybe hoping for some advice. The older woman was more confident, and had more experience of understanding what people were thinking. Was there something she could say here, or some advice she could give? But Tess realised right away that everybody was different, and if she wanted to understand what was bothering Spike, there was only one person she needed to ask.

"Say it," she said. "If you've got an idea how this could work better, just say it. I'm happy to try and find a compromise, figure out where the things we want overlap. I was okay with that baby session earlier, right? We can get used to it together. So if there's some way we can explore it together, or some idea that we can try out, please don't be nervous about saying it. I promise, I'll be happier once I know what's on your mind."

"Well, maybe it's weird after I... you know... failed at being a responsible Daddy before. But with that food thing, I think I understand better trying it on both sides. So maybe next time we might switch roles for a little bit first. Show me how you want to be treated as a baby, and maybe I'll have a better idea how it feels. I mean, it sounds so–"

"I'd love that," Tess said, unable to contain herself any longer. "Is that something you'd really do? So we can understand each other better? I think I'd be less confident than you at being Daddy, and I'm sure you never imagined being a little girl, but I'm sure that would be a great way to... like, make it easier to understand what each other enjoys. And we can find something that we're both happy with."