My Favourite Dream

7. The Appointment

I hardly interact with people nowadays but it was amusing when I actually talked, gave reply instead of nodding or humming around. I talked with Dr Taran today though that's a different point that in his car, in the kitchen while making coffee, when he was talking to Vicky bhaiya, I was again zoned out. I got lost again. Rajeev has entrapped me in a vicious circle and I really don't think I'll ever come out of it.
I remember when Dr Taran said that whenever I feel unstable or unhealthy I can visit hospital but I didn't. I don't feel like. I'm not suicidal anymore. Even if I want to, I can't.

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"Parineet! Pari?" I went out to check if Vicky bhaiya needed something but he asked me to come inside and sit on the bed in front of him. I did what I was being said.

"Pari you lied to me?"

"I lied? About what?"

"That you are still depressed over him?" I was stunned. A shiver ran down my spine on listening him. How did he? "Actually it's not your fault, I failed to see you suffering when you are right here in front of my eyes."

"Bhaiya ─" i walked to him, as he looked betrayed. By me. By his own sister.

"I can't see you like this Pari you know that."

"Bhaiya? What are you talking about? What are you say.."

"I am not saying anything if I would have known all this before, I would have helped you. Thanks to Dr Taran -"

"He told you all this?"

"He's a doctor Parineet. He knows what we don't. He has treated patients like you and he wants you to get better."

"What do you mean bhaiya?"

"He has given me his friend's number and card. His friend is a psychiatrist and I want you to visit him."

"Bhaiya I am fine trust me."

"Yeah. I can see how fine you are. You spend sleepless nights, you cry, you have anxiety issues, you don't eat, you don't smile, you zone out! And you are absolutely fine." He yelled at me in frustration and a loud sob escaped my mouth. I should not have lied to him, suddenly I felt so small and regretful in front of him.

"I am so sorry bhaiya. I am so sorry. I didn't want you to worry. But -" i sobbed.

"Shh! Chup ho ja Pari. I can't see you crying. Stop crying over that idiot. You deserve better and you know that right?" Vicky bhaiya began patting my back and embraced me.

"I can't! This idea of medication and doctor.. it won't help. Neither I want to burden you bhaiya. I am so sorry!" I said retreating back, nodding my head in a constant no like a kid.

"You think I can't afford it? Do you really think that I am this much incapable that I can't help my sister in the time of crisis?"

"No bhaiya it's nothing like that.. esa nahi hai."

"To kesa hai Pari..! Honestly speaking I am tired of your lies and do you have the slightest of the idea, what I felt when I came to know about your mental well being from an outsider. I know he's a doctor but the things he told me were so evident. Like they were happening right in front of my eyes and I? I should have seen through you but I didn't. I failed!"

"No you didn't. Please don't say such things."  I held his hand to assure that it's not the case.

"Whatever! Now I won't back off. You are going to the psychiatrist and that's final."