Autumn Leaves- marylily

Never handled change

I would just like to start by saying that I love Lily Evans, and the way I portray her, especially in this chapter, is usually coming from Mary's point of view (unless the chapters centered around another character of course). Also, I obviously in no way condone the whole James chasing after her thing, but that will make more sense as we get further into the story. I'm also switching up the timelines a bit, you'll see! Anyway, love you all and thank you for reading!

James and Mary were sprawled out on the sofa in front of the common room fireplace.

They had been close since first year, so seeing them like this wasn't uncommon. Mary's head in James' lap, both staring into the fire.

But peace and quiet can only last for so long, because just as Mary's drifting off to sleep...

"Hello Lily! You look cold, would you like to come sit with us? It's warm over here!"

Poor hopeless James Potter, undeniably in love with the wicked witch of the west.

"Leave me alone Potter! I don't like you!" Lily said, far too harshly, in Mary's opinion.

Mary despised the way Lily treated James. He'd never done anything wrong. For years he'd been pining over her, but he'd never been rude. He treated her with nothing but respect and admiration! Yet every time he so much as says hello she responds like he's got the plague. Mary had always found that extremely hypocritical, the way she'd act as though James was a terrible person while she's best friends with a terrible, greasy git.
—————————

Lily didn't know why. But she was disgusted with the thought of dating James Potter. Or any boy for that matter. She ruled it down to the fact that none of them were mature enough. They all acted like children. That was it, right? Once she leaves hogwarts she'll find a lovely man and they'd grow old together. It would be perfect, the kind of love you see in the movies.

So she resorts to insults as a defense, she hated the fact that she became so hot headed, but it was an automatic response for her now.

Her mother had always told her to never be one of those people who 'trust their gut'. Nothing good could ever come out of going moving with feelings, she'd told her. So Lily had always relied on her head. Move with logic, not emotion. Be strategic. Don't let people sway your decision, and don't let anything push you off your path.

But Lily wanted a career, wanted to make something of herself, her mother thought differently. She'd always been stuck in her ways. She'd made it clear to Lily from a very young age, what she wanted from her, and she'd never approved of Lily's ambition. She wanted Lily to be a housewife, to settle down with a man and have children. 'A perfect life'.

A perfect life with a perfect man.

But she could never think too deeply into that idea. It made her feel ill.

Her parents had always expected too much from her. Perfect grades, perfect behavior, perfect manners... perfect, perfect, perfect. Because she couldn't be stupid, but not too smart, or she'll make men feel emasculated. She couldn't act silly or have too much fun, that was embarrassing. And a woman had to have good manners, only men were allowed to not worry about those things.

So that's what she did. She perfected every aspect of her life. She knew exactly how to act and what to do at what time.

But she didn't really.

Truthfully, she was incredibly smart, and felt so deeply. Her emotions would consume her entire being, and she wanted nothing more than to be the person she wanted to be, rather than what her parents wanted from her. Though Lily knew she could never be what her parents wanted from her, not really. She could pretend, but deep down she would never be that girl.

It was a mask, all a facade, maybe that's why she was so angry, because she couldn't be angry like that at home.

But she got on with it. What good was wallowing? That wouldn't get her anywhere. So she pushed any emotion so far down even she didn't know it was there.

But she knew what she wanted, and she never let anything get in her way.

Though this year, something felt different. As if something was going to change.  And Lily had never handled change.
—————————
James turned back to the fire wordlessly.

Hesitantly, Mary spoke up. "...Are you alright James?"

"Y-yeah I'm ok. Why wouldn't i be?" He said, his voice cracking.

"You don't have to be alright all the time James, it's ok to be upset."

"I know that but-"

"But?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it Mares, I'm alright, I promise."

"Okay, Jamsie."

She didn't press the matter anymore. She knew not to. James delt with stuff in his own way. And if that included playing pretend, she'd let him. He'd come to her when he couldn't hold the act any longer. He always did.

So for now they returned to how they were, before Lily fucking Evans came and upset James, staring into the deep orange embers of the fireplace.

Mary really did love the colour orange.