A Kiss Goodnight at the End of Forever

Chapter 2 Pt 1 - A Daughter's Integration

Serafina held the can behind their back as they walked into the living room. Their eyes stayed on the floor as they stepped in front of their parents.

Here it was. I have to do it. But they were terrified. Just rip it off.

"What do you have there, sweetie?" their mother asked, suspicion growing in her voice.

I'm so sorry! Serafina closed their eyes, revealed the 7up, and prepared for their parents' hearts to break.

For a moment, there was silence. Serafina opened their eyes. Martha's brow furrowed in confusion. James' eyes widened in recognition.

"I don't get it," Martha said. "What's that for, sweetie?" She chuckled then looked at James and noticed his expression.

The can wasn't enough for her. Serafina would have to explain it. "It's for you, Mom. I thought it might help with... your panic attack. Because you always have a panic attack... Whenever we have this conversation."

Then Serafina saw it click in Martha's eyes and their mother, filled with hope and optimism, was gone.

Her lashes fluttered and skin blanched. Serafina knew what came next. "Dad." But James was somewhere else, face frozen and eyes distant. "If she faints, you're going to have to catch her." Martha began to sway. "I'm too small to catch her, Dad." Serafina had found this out the hard way two lives ago when they'd sustained a broken collar bone trying to block Martha's fall.

Her eyes rolled back.

"Dad! Snap out of it!"

Her sway transitioned to a tumble.

"There she goes!" Serafina leaped onto the couch to grab a pillow then lunged to sneak it under their mother to cushion her head as it crashed to the floor.

"Oh my god," James said finally, jumping to Martha's side. Then he stopped and looked at Serafina. "Oh my god."

Serafina slowly got to their feet, rubbing their thigh where they'd slammed into the coffee table. "Hi Dad," they said and found it easier to make eye contact now than with their mother.

"Sera?" he said, still processing the news. Serafina nodded, then James looked down at Martha. "Is she..."

"She'll be back in a-"

Martha opened her eyes and inhaled sharply. Serafina watched her face morph – from initial confusion to a false sense of relief to the return of her panic. She sat up next to James and regarded their daughter with a face buzzing and fraught with conflicting emotion.

From experience, Serafina understood the crux of it: the daughter Martha knew was gone; her chance to raise and witness her child grow into themselves was over; as far as she's concerned, I am an imposter.

"Martha?" James said and his voice startled her.

She looked at him, then Serafina, then the floor. "I..." she started. "I..." Serafina took a step back, clearing a path for their mother. "I'm sorry," Martha said, then stood and left through the hallway toward the bedrooms.

"Martha," James said and stood to follow, but Serafina grabbed his hand.

"It's okay," they said. "This is what she does." James stopped and looked down at Serafina who motioned back to the couch. He nodded and followed.

They sat across from one another in silence. Serafina took their father's hand. James smiled nervously and let out a deep breath. Then he shook his head as if remembering something. "Oh my gosh... I just sat here. When she fell, I just sat here like an idiot. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

"A little bump, but I'm okay."

"And... And you just woke up. Holy shit. Sorry... cow. Sorry..." he stumbled, running his hand through his hair. "Has the nausea passed? Do you have a headache? What can I do?"

"Dad," Serafina interrupted, again grabbing his hand. "It's okay. I... I'm okay." But then somewhere inside them a brake released and whatever they'd managed to hold back began to rumble to the surface. Serafina's chin clenched and throat swelled as tears fell down their cheeks.

"Oh sweetie-pie, come here," James said and held his daughter in his arms. "Your... Your daddy's got you."

At the words, Serafina dug herself deeper into his side, the five year old ghost and 2,005 year old human weeping in equal measure. "I didn't... mean to..." they choked out between sobs. "I... didn't... want to..."

"I know you didn't. I know," James said, his giant hands patting their back gently.

Serafina blubbered into his chest for a few moments more then sat up, grabbed a tissue from the coffee table and blew their nose. Then they grabbed another and handed it to James, his face pink and glistening.

"Sera," James said. He rested his hand on their shoulder then looked with concern toward the hallway. "I don't know what to say about your mother."

"You don't have to say anything," Serafina said, then blew her nose. "This is normal. It's... especially hard on her."

"Yeah. I guess it would be," he said, his eyes working through Martha's perspective.

"But what about you?" Serafina asked. "This isn't easy for you either. Because I... I'm not the same little girl that you..."

James swallowed hard and shook his head. "No. You will always be my girl. Always. And... maybe I've lost who you were but... I've gained who you are."

Serafina smiled and said, "Thanks, Dad." It wasn't a surprise. He usually reacted this way at about the same pace. Still, Serafina's heart was warmed and their mind eased in the middle of the emotional roller coaster they were once again forced to ride.

"Don't get me wrong," he said. "My head is spinning. I've got about 7,000 questions and- Huh..." He looked off to the side. "So that's what that feels like." He chuckled and so did Serafina. "Tell you what – considering everything you're going through right now and everything you're mom's going through, I'll take a rain check on my freakout."

"Sounds like a plan."

"How about same time, next week?"

"I'll have to check my calendar," Serafina joked. "I might already have something."

Father and daughter stared at one another for a moment, grinning from their bit and bathed in the orange glow of the setting sun through the living room's bay window. Suddenly James lunged and began tickling Serafina under their arms. They squealed in delight and screamed, "Daddy! Daddy!" until their father showed mercy. Serafina needed a moment for their giggles to dissipate, then they returned the favor, lunging toward him. But instead of tickling him, they wrapped their arms around his chest and squeezed as hard as they could, knowing he wouldn't break.

"I love you, sweetie-pie," he said and kissed them on the head.

"I know," they said, then hissed. James warbled the standard Chewbacca wail.

Serafina relaxed but continued to hold their father. His nimble adaptation to their awakening was a minor miracle. Serafina's mother, on the other hand, was quite a different story.

Author's note:

This chapter brings us up to and past the point where Drifting Along the Infinite Spring left off. It sure is a tough spot for poor Sera to be thrown into each life. Ditto for Martha. Look for Part 2 tomorrow!  Thanks so much for reading!!

PS: the grammar correct on my Google Docs thinks I've lost my damn mind.