All I Wanted (Band on the Run fanfic)

All I Wanted

Taking the last drag of a cigarette, I tried once again to get a song written. Ever since Maureen had won the rights to The Spares, I'd lost the one thing I prided myself for; the ability to make new music. Of all the things I've lost, that was the harshest. Maybe Nick was right, I cared too much about music and coffee. Maybe that was why he left. I still didn't understand that, considering he never gave a legitimate reason for leaving me. The moment played through my mind like film in a projector.

"Keely, we need to talk." Nick had said in a controlled voice.

"What is it, Nicholas?" I looked at him from the couch where I was sulking; I still hadn't gotten over the lost lawsuit, but how could I of? It had only been a month.

"Keely, you're a wreck. You're barely sleeping, barely eating, and you don't even seem interested in our relationship anymore!" He shouted uncharacteristically at me.

I flinched and then stood up, pushing my tangled red hair out of my face.

"What are you talking about? Of course I'm still interested in our relationship! I hardly get any fucking sleep anyway, you know that!" I stormed back at him. "Why are you so angry? What the hell have I done wrong?"

Nick snorted. "What have you done wrong? The fact that you don't even know shows me just how isolated you've become!"

His words stung and confused me as I took a step back.

"What are you doing, Nick?" I asked in an undertone. He looked at me with hesitation. "Just spit it out!" I yelled.

"Keely I can't do this anymore. Not now, not until you get your life straightened out. I'm leaving and moving in with Ben." He clipped at me, then in a softer, more Nick-like tone said, "My bags are already packed. I'm sorry Keel." He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on my forehead, then left the apartment.

The memory floated away as quickly as it appeared. Putting my face in my hands, I gave an exasperated sigh. I was only twenty-seven, and it wasn't as if I was still caught up in the high of fame and fortune. I had gone through that stage early in my career and it had been well documented. The exact opposite was closer to the truth. I was so bloody tired of paparazzi, and tired of the paps calling me a burnout, but I supposed being a burnout was better than fading away, as Kurt would've said, but I didn't plan on joining him, Jimi, and Janis any time soon.

Looking up at the clock on the other side of the room, I gave a mumbled curse. It was already four in the morning, and I still hadn't slept. Being alone with my thoughts had never been good for me. They suffocated every fiber of my being until I was forced to either take action, or have a complete mental breakdown. I really needed to try to get some sleep, and my bed was beckoning to me, but scattered lyrics kept running through my head and I was determined to get some of them out. Grabbing my battered song book and a pen, I haphazardly scrawled,

"I'm just another fucking burnout

Another one of those high school dropouts

But I'm doing okay.

After all my work, I was told that

Burning out is better

Than fading away"

After re-reading what I had written, I groaned and threw the book across the room where it landed face down under the coffee table, then nixed the pen. Setting my guitar down, I slowly stood up, stretching my stiff legs, and made my way into the kitchen. Maybe some coffee would give enough of a jolt to get something done. Grabbing a clean mug from the near empty cupboard, I set on the counter next to the coffee maker.

Starting the coffee, I then walked back into the living room and slumped back down on the couch and picked the acoustic guitar I had stolen from Seth up. I grimaced and cursed myself for thinking about him because once I started, I couldn't stop. My hands started itching, and before I knew it I was playing, softly singing.

"Think of me when you're out

When you're out there

I'll beg you nice from my knees

And when the world treats you way too fairly

Well it's a shame I'm a dream

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times

And fall asleep on the couch

Wake up early to the black and white reruns

That escape from my mouth, oh...

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning

Just to relive the start

Maybe then we'd remember to slow down

At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you..."

A knock on the door reverberated through the flat, bringing me back to reality.

Who would come knocking this early? I stood up with my guitar and got ready to fire complaints at whoever was bothering me, but my words died in my mouth once I opened the door.

"Rebel."

Dedicated to chooseitwisely