She is a fever, longing still

chapter 3

( 1292 words :)

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When Andrea got cut off, I stayed motionless for about three minutes. And I was still holding the phone when my parents called. I didn't pick up. Instead, my eyes started evacuating. And a few minutes later, I received the call from my computer.

"I can't talk right now," I told them, "I have things to do, so many things." Pack my things, take a shower, book a hotel, pay for a plane ticket.

They saw the tears and asked me what was going on, if I was okay, if something happened, if I hurt myself.

"I have things to do" I repeated. "She called me." They got silent for minutes and I just kept repeating "she called me, she finally called me" and I was not even there. Like I left my own mind. It was a weird experience. I don't think I recommend it, I'm not even sure.

What am I going to say to them? How can I tell them I misinterpreted and heard what I wanted to hear?

People are staring. They heard the girl say "you're Rea's boyfriend???" and just can't seem not to find it interesting. The tone she used makes my blood boil. I take a deep breath and run my hands through my hair and try to stay calm and find a solution. What do I do now. What do I do now??

"Look." Now everyone's staring at my tattoo.

"I can't believe this," she says. Why is she so loud?

"I have to go." I start walking out and she takes my arm. I stop and my body goes rigid instantly. I turn around and walk as close to her as I can without making myself uncomfortable by disrespecting my own boundaries. I fucking hate human contact with all I have. "I told you to take a hint, what is it you don't understand?"

I look and sound angrier than I planned. It's okay. I don't mind. No one touches me without my permission. Only one person has my permission.

I cannot get rid of her. This is pointless. She's supposed to be Andrea's friend, yet she looks up at me like she's even more attracted to me than before. Me being rude, being angry, rejecting her, me being up close. It all seems to be her thing. And it sends shivers of cringe and disgust through my body.

I walk away and find my way back to my hotel room. I spend the rest of my day thinking. Should I just go back and pretend this never happened?

No.

Absolutely the fuck not.

I finally have my opportunity to come back to her. Be a part of her life. Be the one to take care of her. I'm not letting it slide. I have to try harder.

She had coffees in hand. I didn't pay much attention to the name on the cups but I think I can find still. It's probably near the university. I'll go early tomorrow and hope to get closer to her.

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It didn't take me nearly as little time as I thought. Crazy how many coffee shops and restaurants there are around here. It's Wednesday today and I still haven't seen her. I found the coffee shop and she's not anywhere near it. When I get inside the shop, I recognize the colors that were on her cup immediately. Perfect. But I also recognize a voice. Annoying and so loud.

She walks out and I follow her. "Hey."

She turns around. She's with another girl. "You again."

"Yeah. Where is she?"

"And why would I tell you?"

"Because I will find either way."

"Then good luck finding her."

I grit my teeth and my jaw clenches. She's walking away and I feel powerless. I got as close to her as I could, and I feel like I'm going back. I feel like I spent two days wandering around for nothing. I have to find her. I'm not leaving until I do.

"I'll make sure to tell her you've got a thing for me when I do." The imitation of a smirk appears on my face. Being an asshole for the first time after learning not to be one for Andrea is almost as sweet as the discontentment on her face.

It somehow makes me feel good to allow myself some disrespect. She didn't respect me. Not one second did she respect me since we crossed paths. And I forced myself not to show my dislike because I didn't want her to perceive me as a simple man who's too full of himself to respect others. But she doesn't deserve nearly as much control over my emotions as she gets.

I wasn't sure blackmailing her with this would work, since she clearly doesn't care about Andrea more than that, but it did. So maybe I was wrong. Maybe she cares about her friendship.

"And why in hell would she believe you?" I don't answer. She might be right, actually. Why would Andrea believe me? Because she loves me? That might have changed. For now, she loved me in the past, I can't be sure of much else. "I'm her only real friend here, you're just the guy she cries over. I wipe the tears."

She cries over me. My mind gets blurry for a second, my vision gets blurry and the blood stops circulating in my body. It hurts for no more than a second. One I could have lived without.

"Worth a try" I simply say. I shouldn't get carried away. She's not worth it.

"Alright. You think the most popular and beautiful top student"—she sounds like she is quoting someone and making fun of them—"of our school is dying to know about this crap, then go ahead. She's at the nearby residence called Rainy Day at door 22" she says while walking away. Can she ever be quiet? She's so loud. Also. Top student?? Most popular??? She hates me. "I can't believe you're the one she begged to come back."

She sounds salty and hypocritical and insincere. She wishes she was in Andrea's shoes. It almost makes me laugh. The nerve she has.

I realize how slow I am when people—from her university, obviously—start whispering. She wants to embarrass her. And...no. This isn't happening.

"Don't act like you wouldn't beg me to pay attention to you if you could." I can't help but smile. This is ridiculous. She stops and starts walking back in front of me. She keeps moving and moving and I wonder how in hell she can be friends with Andrea without exhausting the crap out of her. "She doesn't have to beg with me. I'll do anything she asks."

"She dropped my coffee and ran away from you while crying, don't get your head so far up your ass."

"You don't sound like a good friend," I say to her face. I wish I had the words to beat the insults out of her.

"At least I'm here." Ouch.

She's jealous of Andrea. "That's definitely not what you should've said."

"Are you gonna tell her?" she says, trying to anger me with a pout. She's making fun of me.

"I don't find it necessary. I'm back now. She won't need you anymore." I'm the one who walks away this time. And she keeps talking, trying to provoke me. Who cares? I won't fight with a random woman over if she's a good friend or not—she obviously isn't—or about her doubt in Andrea's—or my—love. I won't discuss this with someone who speaks out of pure jealousy.

I won't discuss anything with anyone anyway. She's the only one I want to talk to. Always.