rant time <333
// tw; ment of being guilty abt eating, dyzphoria, wanting to harm yourzelf,
juzt lotz of neg rly.
aaaaaaa, i wizh i waz born a guy zm like holy crap. i juzt want to have fluffy hair, cute clothez that i got to pick out, and to not feel zo dizguzted whenever im called by my name. i cant even heckin decide on a name :(((
i wizh that i waznt a people pleazer
i wizh that i could have zhort fluffy hair
i wizh that i could be out w/o feeling zcared that i would get hurt
i wizh i didnt feel like i have to walk on eggzhellz at my own houze
i wizh i could be myzelf w/o being judged for it
i wizh that i waz a fucking ciz guy
i wizh that i didnt have glazzez
i wizh that i didn't panic everytime zomeone doeznt rezpond to me for a while
i wizh that i didnt have to ztop myzelf from ztimming in public
i wizh that i could do whatever w/o being zcared of getting in trouble
i wizh i waznt held up to zuch a high ztandard
i wizh that i didnt regrezz zm and be zo fucking needy
i wizh that i could ztop feelin zo nervouz all the time over ztupid thingz
i wizh that everything waz az eazy az people zayz it iz
i wizh that i didnt feel like hvrting myzelf, like punching the wall
i wizh that i could actually keep a zchedule and ztick to it
i wizh i didnt have zuch a bad memory
i wizh my mum didnt laugh at me getting nervouz in the car
i wizh that i could zleep at a reazonable time
i wizh that i could eat n not feel guilty afterwardz
i wizh that i waz a nt ztraight ciz girl bc that would make life zo much fucking eazier
i wizh that i could be open abt my qpr n partnerz w/o being told to zhut up becauze 'thatz weird' and 'normal people only have one partner'
i wizh that i didnt feel like zuch an attention zeeker all the time
i wizh that i waznt zo pozzezzive of my friendz
i wizh that i waznt judged for my intereztz
i wizh that i didnt flinch at loud noizez, yelling, or being touched
i wizh that i could hug and cuddle people w/o being thought az a couple
i wizh that i could tell my qppz that i live them w/o being judged
i wizh that i didnt panic at a fucking emoticon
i wizh that people would ztop telling me that being expozed to my fearz would help me (they dont, juzt make them worze)
i wizh that i didnt worry about lozing my friendz all the time
i wizh that i felt pretty
i wizh i waznt bullied bc my declining mental health tendz to make me an eazy target
i want to be good
i want to not be ztrezzed all the time
i want to not be guilty
i want to be showered in attention
i wizh i juzt be myzelf :(
