The Balls Family - Autobiography

Chapter 5: Visiting Granny Balls 🤪🤪 Part One

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

And that's why Barballs is my favourite!"

"FUCK YOU GRANNY, FUCK-" Big Balls shrieked.

"Language dearie! 😋" Granny Balls finally actually heard someone for the first time in 47 years.

A couple hours later everyone finally settled down in Granny Balls' house (Big Balls and Barballs ended up sharing. The tension was INTENSE.🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶😨😨😨😰😰😰😓😓😥😥😥🥺🥺🥺😩😩😩😩😖😖😖😖😣😣😣🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶)

"GRANNY BAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS," Big Balls yawped. "SOMEONE'S AT THE DOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

"Party rock 😱😭🤪😛😋😰😽😸😾😹😈🤡👽💀🫶🏻💋🧕💅🦄

Let's go!🌝

Party rock is in the house tonight 🥳🥳🥳
Everybody just have a good time😎😎
And we gon' make you lose your mind😝😝
Everybody just have a good time (clap!)🤓🤓

Party rock is in the house tonight😌😌
Everybody just have a good time😍
(I can feel it baby!)😳
And we gon' make you lose your mind🤨🤨
We just wanna see you... shake that!😏😏

In the club party rock, lookin' for your girl,🥺🥺
She on my jock non-stop when we're in the spot🥶🥶
Booty move her weight like she on the block🥵
Where the drank? I gots to know🤩
Tight jeans, tattoo 'cause I'm rock and roll🫣
Half-black half-white domino🤫
Gain the money Oprah Doe!💖💖

Yo!👩‍🦳
I'm running through these hoes like Drano🥹🥹
I got that devilish flow rock and roll no halo😘😘
We party rock! Yeah, that's the crew that I'm repping🧌🧌
On a rise to the top no lead/Led in our Zeppelin🐶
Hey!👰‍♂️

Party rock is in the house tonight🧔🏻‍♀️🧔🏻‍♀️
Everybody just have a good time👨‍🎓
And we gon' make you lose your mind🫀
Everybody just have a good time💪

Let's go!🫂

Party rock is in the house tonight🤶
Everybody just have a good time🐣
(I can feel it baby!)😫
And we gon' make you lose your mind🫶🏻
We just wanna see you... shake that!😽😽

Every day I'm shuffling🤑🤑
Shuffling shuffling🙀🙀

Step up fast💀💀👿😈
And be the first girl to make me throw this cash🤡🤡
We get money, don't be mad,😰😰
Now stop – hating's bad🤬🤬

One more shot for us😟😟
(Another round)😏😏
Please fill up my cup🤭🤭🤭
(Don't mess around)😍😍
We just wanna see🫦👙
(You shake it now)🧠
Now you're home with me🫃
(You're naked now)🥵🥵😏🤌👨‍🍼 ("Woah, Granny Balls chill for a second there 🤨" -Daddy Balls)


Get up get down put your hands up to the sound💄