glow•° || skz || nonbinary Felix ff

Chan's room•°

Chan nodded. 'I had a friend back in Australia who identified as genderqueer. Thanks to her I learned a lot of terminology.'

''Her'?'

'Jup. She still used mostly she and her as pronouns, because it felt more fitting than they/them. I haven't had contact with her for a while though, so I don't know if anything changed.'

'Did you know her before she came out?'

He thought a moment. 'Yeah, we knew each other for maybe two years already when she told me.'

I hesitated a moment, gaining strength.

'And... How .. Do you know how she..? How did she know?'

Chan looked at me searching. After a few seconds, he said:

'We didn't talk much about it back then. But I couldn't say I was surprised when she told me. She would always be more comfortable with male friends and in masculine clothing.' He paused. 'There is a difference, you know? Between wearing masculine - or feminine - clothing because it's cool and you like it and wearing it because it makes you feel more like yourself. Because it lets you glow... People glow when they're able to be themselves.'

You glow.

I stared at him. He looked back. Calmly. Warmly.

I wondered how he seemed to read my whole soul with just one gaze.

Did he suspect something?

What was there even to suspect?

I didn't want to think about it, tried to blink away the tears in my eyes.

Luckily, the conversation had me wondering about something else.

'Chan?' I whispered against my clogged throat.

'Felix?'

I sniffled.

'Do you think they'll ever let us come out?'

Chan seemed surprised by the question. Not by the question itself, more by me actually asking it.

'Come out as what?'

That was weird. He should know exactly what I was talking about.

'Chan, I'm bisexual, remember? Minho is gay? And majority of the other members are somewhat fruity as well'

He chuckled. 'I sometimes feel like I'm the straight dad leading a group of gay kids.'

That charmed a little smile on my lips.

'What do you think stays would say?'

'They'd support us. I'm sure of that. First, they're our fandom and second, I sometimes feel like most of them are very queer themselves. We have them at our back.'

I nodded and we chuckled a bit.

'Hey' Chan sobered and looked at me seriously.

'Do you want to come out?'

I thought a moment.

'I don't know yet', I said earnestly.

'Just... Know that if you decide you're ready, I'll be fighting for you - the others as well - with everything I got. I don't care about our fame or money or reputation, as long as I can ensure your happiness and safety. Got that?'

Instead of answering, I hugged him tightly.

'Best Leader' I whispered in his ear.

He laughed, but it sounded as if he was holding back tears.