INHERITANCE

DOS

"You should have been perfect, Helena." I looked at my father whose tone lacked anything but disappointment. "I had high expectations for you. You are the eldest so you will lead this family when your mother and I are gone." The words he said are words I already told myself but somehow, when he says it, my heart aches more than it should.

I cannot meet his gaze like he taught. My poise that I have trained my whole for seemed to betray me as I slumped my shoulders like a coward. Everything that was injected into my brain to be perfect evaporated. I suddenly have no idea how to act any longer.

"I'm sorry father." I lowered my gaze as the smell of fresh flowers wrapped around me.

"No need to tell her those words, Fid. She's only fifteen years old, she has much to learn and those words are not the best thing to say right now." It was my mother. She wrapped her arms around my waist, engulfing me into her warmth.

She was always softer than father. Never rough, never aggressive, never too much for a lady. She was perfect in every way from her beautifully rounded hips, to her chocolate brown orbs. It seemed impossible that I am her kin when I am filled with flaws.

"He is right, mother." I mumbled. "I will do better, father. My score cards will only have twenty-eight to thirty."

I took my card from his table and almost sneered at the recorded twenty-six on it.

A hindrance.

A flaw.

I can't afford to be anything but perfect.

"If you come home with those disgraceful grades at such a young age, how will you ever be successful, Helena? You should be perfect."

I opened my eyes and breathed in the air like I was sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I was reminded then of where I was, on a plane, on our way to see my father who remained in Italy, and to see my children.

Beside me was my sister, Olivia who could write an entire book on what to do and not to do in front of their grandfather. I couldn't blame her. Since I was the eldest, I knew him better than my siblings as I was required to stay by his side to know the family business well. What I couldn't understand however, is the next phrase she had said.

"And do not carelessly talk to your cousins there." She says, tone rougher than usual, like it was the most important rule of everything she had said.

"What do you mean by that, Olivia?" I looked at her and her eyes wavered for a second.

She had short hair and a thin, pleasant figure like our mother's but her skin was like our father's, a bit paler than the rest of us. Her face glowed the same way my father did. She looked like the female version of him, but her behaviour was submissive, very much like mother's.

"Helena, they could be dangerous now. You know father-"

"They are my children, Olivia. The ones whom you helped raise. How could you talk to them like they are the embodiment of our father?" My voice burned her as she winced, avoiding my gaze. "They are innocent. I believe that."

I don't.

If Olivia noticed my uncertainty, she didn't show it. Her husband, Louise, wrapped an arm around her. Out of all of us, she was fortunate to have warmth circulating around her. I am happy for her, because she is loved very dearly by her children, her husband and my children. Olivia had turned into our mother who is able to receive and give love.

Leah, our youngest and I are unfortunate.

My children ran from me, choosing to live with a monster. My husband became distant after they were gone, and the guilt I carried went on with every second I spent in our house. I am confused, in my memories, I have done my very best to raise them. I swaddled my children when they cried, stayed with them when they were ill, taught them right from wrong, and I gave them everything I couldn't have. But no matter what I did, they inched farther from me.