Arranged love - jaylor AU

elena part 2

«Money isn't a problem for us, we are fortunate and privileged in that, so you don't need to think about that. Just like the other kids you will get an allowance because that way you can learn to manage money which is helpful when you're an adult someday. we think it's an important skill» she says, and I freeze. They are giving me money? The makes me feel uneasy, I don't... I'm not used to that either. This is a lot to take in and I feel sick to my stomach right now. I see that Joe already put my ugly trash bag in here and I feel so embarrassed about that. I come into this beautiful house with a trash bag... 

Before I can say anything else she opens a sliding door that leads into a freaking closet, a closet I can walk into. Not just a tiny dresser or a cubicle that's going to fall apart, but a room for clothes. There are actually already some things on hangers and in some cupboards. «Your case worker gave us your clothing size, so I went out with Ellie on Saturday to get some basic things, so you had something when you got here. But I will take you shopping soon so we know you have enough clothes» hearing her spend money on me makes me feel sick too, it gives my tummy knots, so many knots I want to burst into tears. 

These people are dangling things in front of my face, and being so kind, but it will all get taken away from me when they realize how bad of a girl I am. Nothing good lasts forever, I learned that lesson the hard way. «Are you okay sweetie?» She asks me and lay a gentle hand on my shoulder, but it makes me flinch, so she takes it away. God, now she totally knows how messed up I am. This is really bad. «I'm... I'm fine» 

«It's a lot to take in. Feel free to ask anything again or wanting me to show you around. It's a big apartment and sometimes even the twins who have lived here all their lives get lost somewhere» she says, and we reach the final room she wants to show me. Its big open space with game tables, a sitting area with a big tv and what looks like video games. A tiny kitchen with chairs and a wall full of books and games. «This is what we call the hangout room. The twins don't get to go in here alone because they are small and tend to get into trouble, but you are free to use it. It's mostly Lilly who use it because she is a teenagers and doesnt like hanging out with her parents much anymore» she says with a playful voice at the end, at least I think its playful. Its either playful or making fun of her, I hope it's the first one. 

She asks me if I want to sit down with her, and I'm not going to argue with the nice woman, so I do. «I just want you to know that you can come to us with anything. If you want to spend time with us, play games, watch tv or just talk. We are here for you, and we are your family now. You don't need to talk about what happened before if you don't want to, but if you do want to, we are always here to listen. This is a judgmental free zone, and we are really happy to have you in our family. I know you have been let down by families before, so I'm not forcing you to trust us, but we will do what we can to show you that we want you to be a part of our family. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but I need you to know that you're not alone. We are here for you and want you to be in our family. We want this matching to work out and have you joined our family permanently sweetie» 

Her words make my lip tremble, but I refuse to let her see me cry. Whenever I cry, I'm called a cry baby because only baby's cry. she says things that makes me feel good feelings, but they also make me scared. For all I know she is lying to me, so I tend put trusting her and then she hurts me. I've never had a family, and I don't understand why someone now all of a sudden want to take me in. After all, I've always been told I'm broken, too much trouble and now I'm told I'm too old. No one wants to adopt a tween; everyone wants a baby or at least a toddler. The older you are the harder it is to get somewhere permanent in the system, I've learned that much over the years. 

«And I know you have some medical issues, and we would like to take you to the doctor's office sooner rather than later to make sure we know what's going on. Your case worker said some things but also told me that they wanted to do further testing, but the state said no. we want to do those tests, so we know how to help you. I'm not going to force you into the doctor's office because I don't know what association you have with it, but I will be there with you if you will let me» they have told me for a while that I need some type of testing, but my case worker said that the state said no because they said it was too expensive. The medical treatment I've gotten have been mostly acute when I have had some sort of issue that has forced them to take me to the hospital, then I'm there and they do stuff for a few days before thy send me right back. I've been in the hospital at least once a month for years, so I'm used to doctors. I just don't like it because most of the times I'm taken to the hospital I don't get to go back to where I was before. Sometimes I do but mostly not. 

«I don't want to be a burden» I mumble «you're not a burden. We want to help you, Elena. You are family and we always take care of our family» 

She asks me if there is anyone from before I want to keep in contact with, if I have any friends or something. But I don't have anyone. At school I've never had people to hang out with because I was known as the orphan, no one likes broken kids that don't have a mom or dad. 

I've had a lot of input today and I'm exhausted even though it's not late at all. The others haven't even come home from school yet, but I feel like I might collapse any second now.

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