Beastars: A Symphony of Life

Chapter 99: Promising Remembrances

"But I have to remind myself that it is foolish to be afraid of 'nothing'," he continued. "It's like being afraid of the space behind your head. You know it's there, but you can't see it. Then you turn to look, but now it's no longer the back space of your head. The place you were just facing is, are you going to be afraid of that? Try to imagine what it will be like to go to sleep and never wake up... now try to imagine what it was like to wake up having never gone to sleep."

"Why focus on death when you're alive with life?" Shoji asked. "And didn't you say that, 'it's better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life spent in a miserable way?'"

"I didn't say that," Shoon stated. "I was quoting a favorite guru of mine."

Shoji held Shoon as tight as he could.

"But enough of that," Shoon smiled, swallowing the tears of fear before they left his eyes. "It's good to acknowledge the abyss every now and again. But not for too long. That makes it feel important, which it's not. Let's not think and just live, before we die."

"Shoon," Shoji said, catching him again. "Are you alright?"

The hybrid looked Shoji in the eyes with his mismatched ones.

"I'm fine," he said.

Shoji saw the truth in his eyes, but that didn't stop him from squeezing him just a tad bit tighter.

"I'm more worried about you," the hybrid added.

The wild dog looked at him with his own saddening eyes, contrasting Shoon's own brightening ones.

"Come on," he said, smiling warmly down at him. "Spit it out."

"It's just unfair," Shoji broke. "I know I haven't been the best person this far into my life, but why is it you have to be taken from me? It's like a fucking curse. First my parents, then my foster parents, then my last boyfriend, and now you? Granted everyone up to this point had it coming, but why you?"

"Oh I have it coming," Shoon laughed a little. "Believe me. The stuff I've done, I had it coming."

"You know what I mean," Shoji said, wiping his running nose. "It's like I'm not meant to be happy. The universe is just toying with me for its own entertainment."

It was Shoon's turn to hold Shoji and comfort him, rocking him back and forth with his body while rubbing his head and soothing him with his voice.

"Look at it this way," Shoon said, holding the trembling animal as close as he could. "You have me, for the rest of my life and gave me the best last years of my life. So I thank you for that."

"I just want to stop losing people," the wild dog said, gripping Shoon's arms as if he could die any moment.

"You will go on to live for decades to come," Shoon pointed out. "I am one, out of countless others in this wide, wonderful world. You will find someone else. I'm not saying to forget me, there's nothing worse than being forgotten, just keep going."

The hybrid took Shoji's wrists and flipped them so the massive scars that ran along the entirety of his forearms were bathed in the dim light of the candles.

"Let these be reminders," he said, leaning his head over Shoji's shoulder. "If you have those thoughts again, remember these and what I did for you. Remember the good times and don't do it. For me. Live."

Shoji took his inside arm and reached up behind Shoon's head, feeling the scar at the base of his skull. He ran his fingers over the imperfections in the skin and the raised tissue it caused. It was like a link to the other side that only he was allowed to have. He felt Shoon start to trace the scar on his other arm. The self induced line that had almost killed him, tingled with life as the hybrid copied Shoji's movements along his scar. The motions calmed both of them down, sending the message through the thin membrane to the other side along the nerves that, at the end of it all, it would be alright.

Shoji calmly fell back into Shoon, who lay down facing him. They never unlocked from their hug and their fingers kept tracing the others' scar. It was a perfect moment. One that Shoji would definitely carry with him. Unfortunately the moment was interrupted by a walkie-talkie ringing. The canine felt Shoon flinch at the sound and a familiar frustration rippled through his body. The ringing ended and the moment seemed to slowly settle back in but the handset rang again.

"One second," Shoon said apologetically as he stood up and moved to the phone. He took hold of the handset and put the earpiece in, letting the next ring come in before calling back.

"What!?"

Shoji strained his ears to try and hear who was on the other end, but to no avail.

"He what?" Shoon continued his conversation over the device. "No, no he cannot. You know why! And so does he!! Then put him in a room for the night and I'll speak with him tomorrow. Well if he can't wait, tell him to throw himself from the balcony. Wait! I'm sorry. You know how I get when this sort of thing happens. I'm not angry at you, it's him. Once again, he's an inconvenience. Right. Again, my apologies. Alright, night."

He placed the set back on it's solar powered charging station and returned to Shoji.

"What was that?" the painted dog asked.

"Apparently," the hybrid said, crawling into the same place they had left off at. "Melon took care of the Jade Slasher."

"Right," Shoji sneered. "And I'm a purple dinosaur."

Shoon giggled at that before softly resting his hand on Shoji's cheek and looking him in the eyes again.

"Seriously," he said gingerly. "Promise me you'll live."

Shoji took his hand and rubbed it with his thumb. He leaned in, kissing the hybrid before nodding.

"I promise," he returned with a sad smile.

Shoon smiled in contentment. A single tear left the hybrid's eye and dripped onto the maroon sheets, making a single circle that was a few shades darker than the blood colored fabric.

"We should make a guest list," Shoji said, changing the subject to something a bit more lighthearted. "For the wedding."

"Who else, aside from people here, would we possibly invite?" Shoon asked.

"Oh come on," Shoji smirked. "You don't want to 'play with a few more prey items?'"

"I think I'm over that," the hybrid said. "I'm going to focus on us for however long I have left."

"What about the business?" the canine asked.

"I think Reina can hold the fort," he said. "And she could even train you to run everything."

Shoji laughed in disbelief.

"If you want to," Shoon said.

"I couldn't do what you do," the wild dog said.

"Alright," Shoon shrugged. "Offer will forever remain on the table. I'll make sure Reina knows."

Shoon arched back suddenly as a minor seizure took hold. Shoji was a little worried his back might snap in half, but Shoon was just built differently. He was more flexible and as such could handle the sudden snaps.

"Let's start planning tomorrow," Shoon said. "I think we both need some sleep, and a fresh start."

"Agreed."

They lay there in each other's embrace on the bed and Shoon drifted off before Shoji. The canine waited a minute or two for his fiance to be deep enough in his sleep before sneaking from the bed and blowing out the candles. He also silently wrote a list of things he'd need to discuss with Reina tomorrow, without Shoon's knowledge. He put the list away in his bedside drawer, and blew out the last candle before returning to Shoon, wrapping up into him again. Here in the darkness, the only senses he could utilize were smell, sound, and touch. He heard their breath in the silence, he felt Shoon in his arms and he smelled nothing but him. Life existed only at this very moment; and in this moment, it was infinite and eternal, for the present moment was infinitely small. Before Shoji could measure it, it was gone. And yet it would exist forever.