WALLFLOWER // B.E

thirty-eight

i let out a small laugh. "i will, don't worry."

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i used to loved having the house to myself. i loved being completely alone, anywhere, if i'm being honest. there was just something so inexplicably nice about it.

but now, after having met billie and spending so much time with her, especially after just spending a week with her where it was really just us, i can't say i love it as much as i did. being alone actually feels lonely now.

i've also gotten so used to sleeping with billie and cuddling up with her almost every night, that when she's not here, it just feels so off. i feel like i shouldn't even be trying to go to sleep yet, because i must be missing something.

tonight is one of those nights.

we had texted earlier a bit when she was in school. she had also let me know when her and michael got to her house. once she did, i told her to have fun with him and, again, told her to text if she needed anything.

i sighed as i turned from laying on my right side to laying on my left side. i pulled my covers further over me, only to kick them off of myself a few minutes later. after a while, i pulled them back over me and stuck one leg out. that only lasted about a minute before i put it back under the covers.

i continued to toss and turn for who knows how long. eventually, i was able to finally drift off to sleep.

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being asleep didn't last very long. i woke up around two in the morning. i tried to fall back asleep, then groaned and pulled my pillow over my head when i couldn't.

i laid there for a while, just staring up at the ceiling as i crossed my arms over my chest. i let out a deep exhale before i kicked my blanket off of myself again, then got up to go get a glass of water.

i walked to the kitchen, and i fixed myself a glass of water. when i was done, i put the cup in the sink for now. i'll wash it in the morning.

on the way back to my room, i stopped. my brows furrowed as i heard knocking on the front door. i turned to the front door, and i stared at it. when the knocking continued, i walked over to it, and i looked through the peek hole.

i unlocked the door, and i opened it. billie and michael were standing there. except, billie wasn't standing. she was leaning into michael's side, looking as if she would fall over any second now.

"listen, i'm really sorry if i woke you up, but billie really wanted to come see you. i tried to just take her back to her house, but she deadass almost started crying, so i—" michael started to tell me quickly, but i stopped him.

"where did you even go?" my eyes narrowed slightly, because last i knew, they were staying at billie's house.

"a party. she didn't tell you?" his brows furrowed. he lost his footing a bit and stumbled back. if it weren't for me grabbing billie, she would've fell to the ground. "she kinda drank a lot. i didn't drink as much as she did, but we still took an uber."

"you should take an uber no matter how much you've drank. did anything happen there? anything i should know about?" i asked.

i trust billie, i really do. it's just other people that i don't trust, especially when those people are a bunch of stupid, drunk teenagers.

"no, she stayed with me the whole time," he hiccuped. "are you fine with her staying here, or can i go?"

"you can go. thanks for keeping an eye on her," i muttered.

he nodded, and he started to walk back to the uber. i looked down at billie, who was now leaning into my side and quietly, drunkenly rambling to herself. i sighed as i brought her completely inside, then shut and locked the front door back.

"hiiii, junie," she gave a lazy smile as she peered up at me.

i could've puked as i smelt the alcohol on her. i could smell a bit of weed too, but she didn't seem high. she might've just been around it.

i really fucking hate alcohol. i hate the way it smells, i hate the way it tastes, and i hate what it does to people.

"hi," i exhaled.

"can i have a kiss? gimme a kiss," she requested.

"not right now."

her brows furrowed. "i want a kiss," she tried to stand on her tiptoes to kiss me. "please, baby?"

"billie. i'm not kissing you right now," i stopped her. "you're drunk, you reek of alcohol, and you—" i stopped as i saw the way she was frowning up at me. i sighed. "look, let's just go brush your teeth, then get you in the bed, yeah?"

she hummed, though just leaned further into my side. i tried to get her to walk forwards, but she wouldn't. i rolled my eyes before i hooked one arm under her legs, then used the other to support her back as i carried her bridal style to the bathroom in my room.

she clearly enjoyed it as she buried her face into my chest, and then continued to ramble on drunkenly. i didn't even pretend to understand anything she was saying.

once i got to the bathroom, i sat her on the counter. she slouched as she sat there, and i was honestly surprised that she didn't fall off of it.

"some guy there said i was really pretty," she hiccuped as i put toothpaste on her toothbrush. i looked over at her with slightly furrowed brows. "i told him i had a girlfriend! i was going to show him how pretty you are, but he walked off. t-that was rude, wasn't it?" she frowned.

"yeah," i muttered. "here, let's brush your teeth."

i ended up just brushing her teeth for her and helping her rinse her mouth out and whatnot. i then helped her off the counter and brought her to my room. i sat her on the bed, then helped her change out of her clothes. i only gave her a t-shirt of mine to sleep in.

"lay down," i pointed to her side of the bed. "hurry up."

she did so, though ended up facing planting onto the pillow. i sighed, then followed after her. i laid on my side of the bed. she pouted as i didn't immediately cuddle up with her.

"are you mad at me?" she queried quietly with a prominent frown.

"no. yes. i don't know," i sighed. "i mean, am i supposed to be happy when you show up at my doorstep at two in the morning, drunk out of your mind?" i asked a bit harshly.

i really don't have the best experiences with people showing up late at night when they're drunk.

when my father would come home drunk, i knew that at some point he would put his hands on my mom or me. if it was a bad night, he'd put his hands on both of us.

when my father passed away, and my mom had started drinking, she'd come home early in the morning after leaving me and archer alone for hours on end. i would end up having to take care of her, and i would have to put her to bed. that didn't last long; she started doing drugs that would keep her up for days at a time.

"i'm sorry," billie apologized as her frown deepened. "i didn't—"

"it's fine," i said shortly as i cut her off.

i turned on my side, facing away from her. she obviously hesitated for a few, long minutes before she moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. i didn't move when she did; i just stayed laying exactly how i was.

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a/n ayooo

thoughts??

any predictions?

how are y'all doing? y'all good?

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