𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀 ♡ 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼

8 - last night

irl, social media

izzy squeezed her eyes shut, letting the warm water run down her body. she had never been so glad that her mother had insisted on getting an outdoor shower to wash the sand off.

after walking up incredibly hung over, she laid in bed for a few hours before taking advil and drinking her weight in sparkling water. the girl then wandered down to the beach where the leftover evidence of the bonfire was.

after clearing away all of the beer cans and solo cups, she had just sat there . the girl had lost track of how long her body just stood still. the only evidence of time moving was the light ocean waves that would tingle her skin when it pushed to far and hit her.

the sun burned into her skin, so deeply that it made her eventually get up. izzy had no idea how long she had been there. she didn't bring her phone or keys or even a chapstick.

that's why she was now under the outdoor shower head in her backyard. the sand had all washed off an hour ago, but then she decided that her hair was too knotted and also smelt like alcohol, throw up and salt water.

she was so tired that she could barely put her shampoo in her hair and it was now slowly dripping down her forehead and presumably into her eyes soon. izzy couldn't find it in herself to care because all she could do is stand in the worn down bikini she had on since yesterday morning and all that she could think about was him.

every waking moment all that she could think about was matt. she reran every single second of that fight over and over again in her head. the way his voice broke, how his hand started shaking, his eyes dotting around because he was scared of what she would say. how she didn't say anything.

the girl had never felt a heartache like this, the ache of knowing that she had just stood there like an idiot and how he had felt. matt had to go home and think that she didn't have anything to say.

izzy had so much to say, she had replayed the moments over and over again so she knew exactly what to say. what she should have done but instead she just stayed silent. she was scared, so she just let it all happen.

no matter all of the other endings izzy made up in her head, she knew that she was still too scared. that even if she saw him again she could never have the guts to tell him.

"bells," his voice sliced through the quiet air.

matt was just standing there, leaning against the wooden side of the shower but still outside of it so there was distance between the two.

"oh" she blinked, "hey."

"hi" he flattened his lips together, "what are you doing?"

"showering?" she said like it was obvious, "i smelt like throw up."

"probably because you threw up."

"i figured that out, thanks matt."

he laughed, looking at the floor instead of at her. he looked scared too.

"so about last night-" she started.

"we don't really have to talk about it" he interrupted.

"oh" just as she had built up the nerve.

"i don't really wanna talk about it," matt told her, "we should just move on and forget about it...if you want."

"um yeah sure, that's fine" she lied.

i don't want to move on, i wanna tell you how i've been in love with you since i was 13.

but instead she just bit her tongue and went back to washing her hair.