Clutch of Affliction

Chapter 13

We are both kneeling and suffering.

"D-don't make it harder for me, Luke..." almost a whisper. "It's hard to do this, Luke. It's also hard for me to do this,"

"Then don't, Tix," he said. "Don't suffer alone, love, I am here, and I'll suffer with you."

"No..." I held his face and smiled. "I love you, Luke, please l-let go of me,"

He cried more and touched my hand to cry himself while kissing it. I am crying with him. 

"S-sorry," I cried, "please don't be mad at me,"

We stayed in that position for hours. We're both kneeling and crying. 

Am I selfish? Am I selfish with the decision I made? I don't want to be his downfall. I don't want to bring him down with me. That is the last thing I'll do in my entire life. 

"I-if... If we break up, will you be happy?" he asked, still crying. 

I couldn't answer. How can I be happy? If even now I can't make myself smile. 

"If yes, then... then I'll let you go."

Don't make me answer that, love. 

"Y-yes," I stuttered. 

That is the biggest lie I ever said.

He got up and held me to do so, too. He guided me to sit. He held my hand as if he'll never hold it again.

We're just both sniffing. We stayed like that until I saw a glimpse of the sun.

"If ever you change your mind, I'll take you back. I'll hold you and will never let go again." He sniffed, holding my hand carefully. "Promise me you'll be okay. Promise me you'll never think twice to run to me if you'll need someone."

I nod. "I promise, Luke. I promise."

"Then I'll be okay, as long as you'll be fine."

"I love you, Luke," I whispered, hugging him tightly, don't want to let go.

"I love you, Liza Keilyn Tijana," hugging me back.

I love you all my life, Luke. Please find happiness without me.

I ended it. I fucking did it. I may be in pain because I did, but I am also relieved about the choice I made. I'll just hope it will turn out the best decision and I hope I'll not regret what I did.

"Tita, Tito, sorry po at naka abala pa po ako sa inyo. Thank you po sa pag tanggap sa akin." I started. "Thank you po ng sobra."

Hinawakan naman ni Tita Emma ang kamay ko. "Hija anak, kahit kailan ay hindi ka abala. Masaya nga ako't dito mo gustong tumuloy kahit na alam kong masakit sa'yo. Masakit din sa amin pero kahit sa kaunting panahon na kasama namin si Arya, sobrang saya namin." Aniya naiiyak. "Pero ikaw, Liza, ikaw ang kasama niya noong panahong nahihirapan siya. Kinwento niya sa amin kung gaano mo siya inalagaan at minahal. Sobrang tuwang-tuwa siyang nakilala ka niya."

Umiiyak ako habang inaalala ang mga panahong sandalan namin ang isa't isa. Mga panahong hindi ko alam kung mangyayari pa ba.

"At... alam kong sobra kang nahihirapan ngayon dahil pati ang bunso mong kapatid ay wala na rin," humihikbi niyang saad. "Mahal na mahal ka ni Arya, Liza, kaya 'wag mo sisihin ang sarili mo sa bagay na hindi mo naman kasalanan."

Umiling ako. "No, Tita... Kung sana lang ay hindi ko siya sinundan dito, hindi niya narasanan na masaktan ulit. K-kasalanan ko kasi hindi ko man lang siya pinagtanggol noong kailangan niya ako. Tita, mahal na mahal ko si Arya, pero b-binigo ko siya noong panahong kailangan niya ako."