HARRY POTTER DEFEATS YOU-KNOW-WHO…AGAIN!
Potter had an unexpected run-in with You Know Who at the end of his first year at Hogwarts.
Mr Harry Potter, already famed for his unexplainable repel of Lord Voldemort’s Killing Curse at the age of one, after watching his mother and father’s murders, has somehow done it again this year, writes Rita Skeeter, Daily Correspondent. Potter and his best pals, stunning Muggle-born know-it-all Hermione Granger and vivid redhead blood traitor Ronald Weasley, have spent the academic year not concentrating on studies, but investigating a matter they were not supposed to know about-the Philosopher’s Stone. Created by alchemist Nicholas Flamel, the Stone has immortality properties, and since the beginning of the year it has been guarded at Hogwarts by a vicious, violent three-headed dog. Potter and his friends somehow figured out the Stone and it’s location, and broke 49 school rules while attempting to reach it. What does Dumbledore think of this obscene rule-breaking, you ask? Oh, with it being the Chosen One, eccentric headmaster Albus Dumbledore has let off the guilty trio with not a single punishment. ‘It’s because it’s them,’ spat fellow first-year student Draco Malfoy bitterly. ‘They get away with everything. Potter, because he’s the Boy Who Lived. Granger, because she’s a know-it-all who gets top marks in every exam. And Weasley…maybe they feel sorry for him because he’s poor. If it’d been me, Crabbe and Goyle, we’d have been expelled for sure.’
It isn’t just Dumbledore’s alleged favouritism we have to think about-it’s the abilities of the trio. ‘They’re all a little behind if you ask me,’ says Hogwarts teacher Severus Snape. ‘That Granger girl, she’s clever all right, but she’s hardly the type you’d expect to break so many rules-led astray by those idiots, needless to say. Weasley is-no other word for it-thick. Anything that enters one of those freckled ears of his leaves through the other. And Potter- he’s plain stupid, couldn’t even tell me the difference between asphodel and wormwood.’
So, if they are so notably stupid, how did they pass advanced enchantments guarding the Stone, performed by the teachers themselves? ‘I-I heard them get up one night,’ says a fellow Gryffindor boy, Neville Longbottom, a stuttering pure-blood who isn’t so confident in lessons. ‘A-and they were talking. Something about a dog, a harp, and a trapdoor. Then they said they were going to get the Stone. I tried to confront them, to stop them from g-getting in trouble. B-but H-Hermione put a Body Bind curse o-on me.’
We at the Daily Prophet will be keeping a close eye on Potter, Weasley and Granger all through their years at Hogwarts. Until next time!
