close | b.e

25

"i don't know," she almost whispered, eyes filling with tears no matter how hard she fought.

"don't just sit there and cry! i've done so much for you and this is how you repay me?"

there was a silence, until the older woman heavily sighed and left the room.

joli blinked hard, only some tears spilling as she took a deep breath.

"joli?"

she looked over to the door, relief flooding her system as she saw a silver haired frame standing there.

"can i come in?"

"please."

the shorter girl shut the door, coming over to take a seat beside the bed.

"you okay?" she spoke, reaching out her hand to hold joli's.

"are you?"

"answer my question."

and all of a sudden, she was crying again, tears streaming faster than she could wipe them away.

billie sighed lightly. "can i sit?"

joli nodded, still attempting to wipe her eyes as billie sat down next to her.

"i'm sorry, it's just-"

"stop apologising," she spoke, pulling joli into her, feeling the brunette's entire body relax against her as she did.

"why are you crying my love?" billie whispered. "everything's okay."

"it's not."

"do you wanna tell me about it?"

"it's stupid."

"don't care."

"my mom's an asshole. you probably heard the conversation."

"some of it."

"so all of it?"

"kinda."

joli sighed, hiding her face further from billie.

"the doctor's making me test for an eating disorder. i know i have one, but it wasn't supposed to get this bad," she went on, her voice becoming strained. "i never really had any bad body image issues, i just felt like i wasn't in control, and that's why i became crazy obsessed with like schoolwork and everything. the point was to be in control of my life, but i've never been more out of control."

there was a silence, billie just lightly rubbing joli's back, sort of absentmindedly.

"mine started because of crazy body image issues. i hate the way i look. and it was kind of the opposite from you because i wanted to be out of control, and it just got worse after i moved here. the feeling of seeing how long you could go without eating, trying to go another hour, you know?"

"yeah," spoke joli, moving up in the bed so she was beside billie.

"guess we're both kinda fucked, huh?"

they laughed a sort of hollow laugh, before silence filled the room again.

"hey billie?"

"yeah?"

"do you wanna talk about what happened earlier?"

billie didn't answer for a little while, and when joli looked at her, she was shocked to see tears swimming in the blue eyes in front of her.

"you don't have to, obviously," she rushed.

"no, it's okay," billie sucked in a deep breath. "i want to."

joli held out her arms as billie had done for her, offering a comfort as she held her tightly.

"i never stopped going to him for history work, and that was only because i was scared. he told me if i didn't come to him every week and let him do whatever he wanted, he'd try to hurt you."

"he never went that far," spoke billie hurriedly, following joli's gasp of indignation. "he just kissed me on my cheek, put his hand on my thigh, things like that. he told me he was "leading up to the main thing". i didn't want him to, but it was..." she trailed off.

"billie, i don't care. i'd rather he hurt me than you."

"i wouldn't. he never went that far," she repeated.

"still too far."

"the only time he tried to do anything was today," she spoke, voice strained. "but you were there."

joli just held her as she felt her start to cry.

"i'm crying now, this is so stupid," she mumbled, her voice coming out thick with emotion.

"it's okay to cry, my love. you can cry as much as you want, i'll be here."

"i look so ugly when i cry."

"you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen."

"jo?"

"mhm?"

"i'm so in love with you," she whispered, almost inaudibly.

-

i'm so sorry it's been so long

this chapter is so bad too but please enjoy and please comment i've missed u guys