After the Storm

Chapter 23: Fall Apart

[Callie POV]

I watched Arizona carefully, searching her face for visible signs of distress. I couldn't find any nameable emotion; she wasn't crying or yelling, though she looked like she wanted to.

"Arizona?" I called, reaching out to stroke her hair. "Honey?"

"Gone," Arizona mumbled, shrugging my hand away.

I frowned, bringing my hand back to my side. I felt completely defeated; like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to help my wife.

"I'll leave you two alone," Connie sighed, squeezing Arizona's foot underneath the blanket and smiling sadly at me. "If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to find me."

Arizona crumpled, her bottom lip beginning to quiver. I looked away, tears burning in my eyes at the sight of her- my heart shattered.

"Which one was it?" Arizona asked, swallowing her tears.

I rubbed her back in slow circles, sighing loudly. This information will do her no good; she's already formed attachments to each of our unborn children.

"Arizona, don't."

"I want to know," Arizona demanded, a tear falling down her cheek.

"It was the little one lying lowest," Connie answered, dropping her gaze to the ground.

I couldn't bear it. I was certain that I had never felt pain like this- neither of us had ever felt pain like this. The plane crash and the car accident were hardly comparable; they felt like distant memories.

"Was it a boy or a girl?" Arizona choked.

Though we had three chances, I knew that Arizona was so excited to have a baby boy. It was important to her because of her brother and Mark. It was plausible that we'd lost our only boy, depending on the gender of the other two, but it didn't matter.

Connie nodded.

Arizona never planned on settling down and having children, and while she was content with the idea of raising daughters, I just knew she wanted that boy.

"Honey, we've still got two other little lives to look forward to," I reassured, rubbing her back.

I knew I was failing; nothing would make it easier. Sure, she was pregnant with triplets and we had two other babies, but we still lost our son. We loved him already and now he was being ripped away from us.

I could tell that Arizona was at her limit and she couldn't keep it together for much longer. I looked to Connie, my expression telling her what she needed to know without me having to say it. Connie nodded, her eyes sympathetic, and left the room.

Arizona came undone as soon as the door was shut; her face became red and blotchy, tears spilled down her cheeks, and her breathing was rapid. I sat in the chair beside her bed and moved her bangs out of her face, trying my best to remain composed.

"I-I can't do this," Arizona sobbed, covering her eyes with her hands.

My throat tensed. I couldn't take much more of this before I lost control of my emotions. I wanted to keep it together for Arizona's sake, but it was so difficult.

"Talk to me, baby. I'm not going to judge you," I offered. "If you want to cry, that's okay. If you want to scream, that's okay, too. I'm here."

"I-I just..." Arizona breathed, tears continuing to fall from her eyes. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I think you should go."