What Destiny Lies for Us (Esperanza Series #1)

Chapter 28

I sat on his bed, facing the closed curtains by his window. Not one ray of light seeped through but it was finer that way. It wasn't fitting to be sad in the middle of the most golden of hours.

I thought that, after some time, it would get easier for us; that, along the way, we would find ourselves in positions where we had already figured things out, yet letting things run its course wasn't the bestest idea to live by.

Loving Maddox was as natural as the next sunrise. It was something to be grateful for and to look for once the day starts. But at the same time, loving Maddox was as natural as the vehemest tempest. It came with raging excitement and passionate outbursts that if I wasn't too prepared, I would be drowned in it too fast.

I didn't go in prepared but the next time I surged, I came with packs of bags and survival kits... I tried to be prepared but supplies only lasted for a short amount of time, so then I'd have to make something out of nothing.

That was impossible.

The door creaked open then revealed a silhouette of tall stature and wavy hair. Maddox's slow and heavy steps echoed in the room.

"Chai, sorry..."

'Yun na agad ang sinabi niya sa'kin pagpasok niya ng kwarto niya. I didn't budge or turn to face him; it would be harder for me to say what I needed to say—too hard I might delay telling everything at once.

"Hindi ka na rin nagre-reply sa mga text ko. Natagalan lang kami sa pag-fit kasi may mga naunang naka-sched kaysa sa'min. Hindi naman namin ugaling sumingit," he explained.

I wasn't checking my phone because I kind of already predicted what he would message me. Our conversations became more of a pattern than a natural course like the way we used to talk when we were still getting to know each other. Kahit para sa'kin, lugi naman na ipinagkumpara ko 'yung kami ngayon sa kami bago lumipas ang apat na taon pero ganoon ko 'yun nakita.

He sighed exasperatedly, taking up the space right beside me. His weight crushing the soft bed pulled me closer to him. He kept on glancing at me but I didn't want to return it. I knew that at the sight of his kind eyes, I would give in right away. The hold he had on me was frustratingly absurd... It was unfair.

He spoke up again, "Anong ginagawa mo dito habang wala ako kanina, Chai? Na-bored ka, no? Kahit ako rin naman siguro, mabo-bored nang sobra kung mag-isa lang ako dito. Tina-try nga kitang makausap at makausap kanina para may nagagawa ka e."

I pushed my lips outward. "Just here..."

"Ah..."

Hindi siya mapakali sa inupuan niya. His hand fidgeted, his foot tapped the ground, and he kept on drawing in chunks of air. He did anything to distract himself from the lack of noise bothering him utterly.

We were both unwilling to speak anymore, as if the silence predetermined the course of the meeting, but that same silence pounded along with my heart. I felt him steering away from me more and more. He was beside me, and for the longest time we've sat this close in a long time, I still couldn't feel him.

"I want to break up..." I started.

I planned everything yet at the moment I set my foot down, I lost everything I had planned and jumbled it with my imperishable thoughts. I picked up the pieces left and tried to make up of what I could still remember.

"Don't get me wrong, I still love you. Very much. I don't think I will stop loving you. I can't even see myself in the near future without picturing you in everything I do..."

It was tempting... but I refused any morsel of thought pushing me to meet his eyes.

"I love loving you, Maddox..." My heart sank upon the glance of the ring around our left ring fingers, our names engraved inside it like how he was already marked in my heart. Permanently. "But loving you is a heartbreak waiting to happen."