Three Months

Chapter Four

            “Yeah,” I whisper, gripping the edge of the chair tighter. “I guess it is. I mean, it’s good that I’m not dying or anything.” I chuckle at my mini joke, looking at the wall instead of my beat up shoes.

            Linda winces. Was it too soon to mention that? It’s odd, actually. I should be the one freaking out every time somebody refers to death, not her. I’m the one dying, not her.

            “You’re going to be okay,” Linda announces confidently. “People have been fighting…cancer…for a very long time. You’re going to be okay.”

            I look at her doubtfully. “There is also that fair share amount of people who haven’t beat cancer.”

            “Don’t be such a pessimist.”

            Narrowing my eyes at her, I say, “Then don’t lie to make me feel better. I know that things aren’t alright right now. I know that there’s a huge chance that I won’t live. I know this, Linda. I know.”

            “I know you know,” Linda says quietly, “but can’t I still try to reassure myself?”

            I look at her in shock, my eyes widening slightly. She’s only saying that I’ll be okay to reassure herself? Nobody’s done that for me before. Not my parents and not even Steven. Then again, I haven’t told Steven yet. I would, but I’m not sure we’re on such great terms at the moment.

            But saying something just to reassure themselves? For some reason, the thought causes my stomach to churn in a pleasant way. Somebody—even if it’s the nurse—cares about me enough to worry. They care about me enough to have to reassure themselves that I’m going to survive this, that I’m going to beat the cancer.

            Maybe I am more than just a patient to Linda.

            “Listen, Paisley,” Linda says, looking me straight in the eye, “I know that you’re pretty much alone in this situation. I—“

            “How do you know that?” I ask quizzically, accidentally interrupting her.

            She shrugs and gives me a small smile. “People usually bring their friends or parents to these appointments. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go in these rooms, and the majority of them have had a friend or sibling with them to get them through a time like this. You don’t.”

            Oh.

            “And I don’t mean that as a bad thing,” Linda says quickly, hoping that I didn’t take offense to what she had just said. “It’s just that you’re always by yourself, so I know that you’re alone in this. I…I—“

            Chuckling, I cut her off. She rambles when she’s nervous; I’ve come to know this. It’s quite adorable, actually.  “It’s okay, Linda. I get it. What were you going to say before?”

            “Oh!” she explains, remembering what she was going to say. “Yeah, that. Well I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you. Yeah. I’m here for you, Paisley. If you ever need a friend to talk to or any motherly advice, I’m here.” She shoots me a bright, genuine smile, and I can’t help but smile back even though a pang rings through my chest at the word ‘motherly’.

            It’d be nice to be able to sit down and talk to my mom about what’s going on, but it’s not like that’s going to happen. Linda’s the closest I have to real family.