untitled

ch 1

"You're joking though, right?" He said, replying to something the girl had been saying. His deep voice sounded sarcastic, though his smile was bright and seemed kind. The girl laughed, sounding nearly identical to his, rolling her eyes.

"I mean, I know how it sounds, but honestly I don't see why you're so shocked." Her shrug and teasing tone pulled me even closer, my curiosity growing. And something else, something close to impatience, pressed me nearly against their table, eager to hear them fully over the bustling of the sidewalk. I wanted to know what they were talking about.

"Oh, you're right. Why should I be shocked?"

"Come on, Ryley. I see him all the time -- he's practically attached to you. It was bound to happen."

He nodded, his eyebrows raised and his expression more serious, though in a way I somehow recognized as mocking.

"In that case, I should send him that picture I took of you this morning, just so he can get a good glimpse of what you have to offer."

Her smile dropped, and her eyes darkened slightly. "What picture?" Her tone was deathly serious now, suspicious irritation growing in her expression.

"Maybe I'll send it right now." The boy -- Ryley, I corrected mentally -- laughed, shrugging and reaching into his pocket.

Within a millisecond, the girl was leaping across the table, toward his hands. Before she could make contact he was out of his seat and running directly at me. Out of old reflexes that refused to fade with the rest, I began to jump out of his way, but before I could, he passed through me.

He practically skidded to a halt, the girl running right into his back and grasping the object, a phone I now realized, from his hands at his sides. She looked at him, confused, as he stood there.

"What?" She asked, bewildered.

He didn't answer. He was looking around, searching for something, a wildly confused look in his eyes.

"What?!" She repeated, louder this time.

"Hold on for a second." He held up his hand, still searching.

Then, as if he saw me, his eyes locked onto mine. Not through me, or in the place I should be, were I there, but really looking into my eyes. He shook his head slightly and whatever it was, was gone. He blinked quickly and I could see his vacant and cloudy stare behind me, the one I'd grown accustomed to. He turned to the girl, somewhat dazed still, and started jogging in the other direction. She turned toward me, where he'd been looking, and searched for herself. Not seeing anything she turned, seeming dissatisfied, and matched his pace until they had turned the corner.

I stared, stunned, at the place they had just been. That had never happened, in all the time I'd stared and poked and prodded the living world, begging for a response, they'd never been that aware of me. I couldn't be sure how long I stood, concrete to the spot as if it held some energy that I was somehow unaware of. Something did feel different, but I couldn't place it. I mulled over each experience I ever had in my attempts, but all I could remember was a palm reader shutting her door a couple moments after I had peered inside, curious to see if she was legitimate. She must have been, but she didn't welcome my presence, tugging on her crystal pendant nervously before pulling the door tightly closed. I'd been amused at that, but it ended there. But I could tell it wasn't some magic in the spot, it was something in me. Something burning and pulling in my chest, clawing it's way up through me. A hollow feeling was beginning in my stomach as well, something close to disappointment, I thought.

I shook my head quickly, trying to shrug it off and noticed how dark it had become around me. I must have stood there longer than I thought. I began to slowly walk down the street. Whether a fluke or a trick of the imagination, though I doubted that, the moment was over and standing there trying to grasp at it would not bring it back. This thought upset me more than I expected. And the hollow feeling did not leave me quickly. The farther I got down the block, no longer noticing much besides the burning knot that was tugging at me. I couldn't quite place the name of the feeling but it was heavy and gnawed in my chest and stomach. As I drifted, my pace increased until I was running, as if I were being pulled by some unseen force at the end of the street. I began to feel frustration with my speed and pushed myself harder, really concentrating on the act of moving forward, something I rarely did. Although I had no heartbeat, I felt as though my dead heart was pounding and racing out of me. My breath came quickly, though with no relief. The wind whipped past me and I heard thunder roll distantly, the sky darkening ever so slightly. Suddenly I found the word for the feeling: anxiety. Something I'd not felt since my death, I realized. I was impatient as well, for what I didn't know, but I couldn't shake the feeling I was late for something.

I couldn't help my thoughts flickering to the boy and girl with the green eyes, wondering if it could have anything to do with such a new experience. It felt too much to be a coincidence, but I couldn't imagine the correlation they could possibly have.

Maybe it was closure? Was I 'passing on' finally? That thought only worried me more, I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

Abruptly, as I was nearly around the corner, the urgency and anxiety stilled, not quite leaving me, but hiding in me as if it were waiting for something. I turned, confused, trying to understand. I looked at the building beside me, glancing into the small antique shop burrowed between a laundromat and a computer repair office. The quiet hum of of a radio flowed from the room, the sound a mix of an orchestra and static. The tether was back in my chest, less intense, but still tugging at me. It was more concentrated this time, like a rope around my body directing me into the room. I took a small step toward the open door.

Just then I heard a ringing laugh that broke into my attention. I looked toward the sound, spotting the boy, Ryley, and the girl with him. They were talking, laughing from the looks of it, but I couldn't catch what they were saying. I was intrigued again, a flicker of that anxiety poked at my stomach but I waved it off, watching them smile. I found my own expression involuntarily mirroring theirs, though a poor reflection I'm sure, and I knew there was something different about them. They were already familiar to me for some reason, though I knew that I had never met them, I felt an unexpected comfort in seeing them. Nothing had ever affected me quite like this.

A flicker, a new feeling that dug out the knot and relieved its pressure, was forming in me. I had no name for it.

The girl's hair bounced as she walked and her eyes glittered in the same way as the boy's. I was almost certain they were siblings, if not twins, they looked so alike.

They were next to me now, but instead of passing, Ryley stopped in front of the door, right next to me. I turned to him, curious, as he stared inside. His eyes had the same confused and almost crazed look in them. I suddenly wondered if he had felt the pull too. It was very unlikely, but the new lightness in my belly flared at this idea.

Without another thought I reached up and touched his hair, very lightly running my fingers over it, shifting the consistency of that radiating light that was still hovering over him. Only now it was a deeper color, rich and in a hue I'd never seen before. I wondered what that meant. To him the touch should've felt like nothing, like the air around his head.

Instead, his head snapped toward me, eyes searching and still confused. I pulled my hand away slowly, a small, breathy laugh escaping my lips as I watched his expression. The closest comparison I could imagine was a puppy tilting his head. As if he heard me, his brilliant eyes met mine for the second time.

I smiled and the flicker, the new feeling, bursted my being into flames. I felt light all over, my excitement at this possibility illuminating the air ever so slightly. I realized I wanted him to be able to see me, but not in the way I normally felt when I wished for interaction. I couldn't quite place what it was about this boy, but he had some sort of draw that I was beginning to question. I'd never met anyone who'd affected me this way, who held such an energy that I could somehow interact with, but it must have been something even he wasn't aware of. In the back of my mind I acknowledged that my growing obsession with these siblings, and with these emotions that resurfaced around them, was unhealthy. I knew it would hurt when they were gone, but in that moment I found it very hard to care.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something. I wasn't sure what I wanted him to know, but speaking seemed to be the first step. But, like before, it was over as quickly and surprisingly as it had started. His eyes went distant and the confusion was back. Whatever it was about him, about what was happening, was not strong enough to hold on to.

With a sigh, I turned, my chest returning to its hollow and dull state. It was not in my best interest to pursue this, knowing it would result this way every time. There were no further possibilities to it, when the connection couldn't last longer than a glimpse. As I turned and entered the shop, the tether and urgent feeling all but dissolved, and I finally put my finger on the new emotion I had experienced. It was hope. And it was gone.