suıʞʍɐɥ oʇ ǝɯoɔlǝʍ sƃuıɥʇ ɹǝƃuɐɹʇs

Chapter Twenty-One: The Sauna Test

ʇsǝʇ ɐunɐs ǝɥʇ
ǝuo-ʎʇuǝʍʇ ɹǝʇdɐɥɔ

A/N: Sorry for the wait for anyone still reading. Also this is pretty long.

July 2, 1985

Today was my day off but here I was at the mall in scoops all because Dustin dragged me out of bed early. Steve had left around two in the morning having to get back home. Now we were in the break room of scoops. "That keycard opens the door, but unfortunately, the Russian with this keycard also has a massive gun. Whatever's in this room, whatever's in those boxes, they really don't want anybody finding it," Dustin said. Steve stopped twirling his hat and blowing on it to puff it back out. "But there's gotta be a way in," Robin said.

"Well, you know...I could just take him out," Steve told us. "Take who out?" Robin asked. "The Russian guard," Steve said. We just looked at him in question. "What? I sneak up behind him, I knock him out, and I take his keycard. It's easy." I snorted and he glared at me. "I'm sorry, babe. But you fight evil russians?" Dustin leaned on the counter beside me, "Did you not hear the part about the massive gun?" He asked. "Yes, Dustin, I did. And that's why I would be sneaking."

"Ah. Well, please, tell me this, and be honest, have you ever actually... won a fight?" Dustin asked. "Okay, that was one time..." he said. "Twice. Jonathan. Year prior?" I told him. "Listen, that doesn't count," he argued. "Why wouldn't it? Because it looks like he beat the shit out of you," Dustin said. "Oh he definitely beat the shit out of him." They started arguing and I noticed Robin looking. I looked where she was and noticed the vent. "That might just work." She got up, went out front and took the money out of the tip jar. "Robin. Hey, Robin! Hey, what... What are you doing?" Steve asked while we followed her.

"I need cash," she said, running off. "Well, half of that's mine!" He yelled. "Where're you going?" I asked her. "To find a way into that room, a safe way. And, in the meantime,
sling ice cream, behave, and don't get beat up. I'll be back in a jiff," she said and disappeared. Dustin had the ice cream scoop and was licking it. Steve grabbed it from him, "Oh, dude. Come on, man, not my scooper."

When Robin got back she had the blueprints for Starcourt Mall. The vent in the break room led straight into the room with all those boxes. I was licking an ice cream cone, Steve was unscrewing the cover of the vent, and Robin and Sustin were standing back. "Flashlight." Steve had the screwdriver in his mouth when he looked down at me and Dustin. Dustin handed him the flashlight. "That's like your third ice cream," he said to me. "Yeah. What's your point Steve? You have a problem with that?" I asked, giving him a pointed look. He shuttered a little, shaking his head. "What? No! Just give the flashlight." His cheeks had started to get a dusting of red. I smiled over at Robin and she laughed. "Steve, my sister will out eat you. She's like a never ending dumpster for food." I nudged Dustin a little with a small hey.

"Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know if you can fit in here. It's like... super tight," Steve said. "I'll fit. Trust me. No collar bones, remember?" Steve gave him the flashlight back and stepped back for Dustin to climb the ladder. I sat on the table, swinging my feet back and forth. "Uh, excuse me?" Robin asked. "Oh, he's, uh... Yeah, he's got some disease. Chry, uh... It's chrydo, um... Something. Yeah, I dunno. He's missing bones and stuff.
He can bend like Gumbo."

"You mean Gumby," Robin said. "I'm pretty sure it's Gumbo," Steve said. "Uh, no it's not. It's Gumby. And Dustin has Cleidocranial Dysplasia," I said. "Steve, just shut up and push me!" Dustin said. "Okay. I'll push ya" Steve climbed up the ladder behind Dustin and started to push on his feet. Me and Robin just stood back and watched. "Not my feet, dumbass. Push my ass."

"What?" Steve asked. "Touch my butt! I don't care!" Dustin yelled. Steve's hands moved from his feet to his butt and started to push. "Come on! Harder! Push harder!" Dustin grumbled. "I'm pushing!" Steve grumbled back. "You're playing with my legs," Dustin said. "I'm not playing, I have terrible footing." I crossed my arms over my chest. Robin was shaking her head. "I deal with this all the time," I said. The two were still arguing when the bell out front rang. Robin and I looked over to see Erica and looked back at each other.

"Yeah, I don't know," Erica said, clicking off the flashlight. "You don't know if you can fit?" I asked. "Oh, I can fit. I just don't know if I want to," she said. "Are you claustrophobic?" Robin asked. "I don't have phobias," Erica sassed. "Okay, well, what's the problem?" Steve asked her. "The problem is, I still haven't heard what's in this for Erica."
We were now sitting at the table, Steve sliding a USS Butterscotch towards Erica. "More fudge, please. Go on." Steve sighed and took it back to the counter.

"All right. You see this? This is the route you're gonna take. Then we just wait till the last delivery goes out tonight. Then you knock out the grate. jump down, open the door," Robin explained. "Then you find out what's in those boxes?" Erica asked. "Exactly," I said. "Mm-hmm. And you say this guard is armed," she said. "Yes, but he won't be there," Dustin told her. "And booby traps?" She asked. "Booby traps?" I asked. "Lasers, spikes in the wall?" We all looked at each other. "What?" Robin asked. "You know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me? Child endangerment."

"We'll be in radio contact with you the whole time..." Erica cut Robin off. "Ah, ah, ah! Child endangerment." I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Erica? Hi. Uh... We think these Russians want to do harm to our country. Great harm. Don't you love your country?" Dustin asked. "You can't spell "America" without "Erica," she said. "Uh, yeah, yeah. Oddly, that's, uh, totally true. So, so, don't do this for us. Do it for your country. Do it for your fellow man. Do this for America... Erica."

"Ooh! I just got the chills," she said. Dustin smiled at her but I felt real quick. "Oh, yeah, from this float, not your speech. Know what I love most about this country? Capitalism. Do you know what capitalism is?" The three of us nodded. "It means this is a free market system. Which means people get paid for their services, depending on how valuable their contributions are. And it seems to me, my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. So, you want my help? This USS Butterscotch better be the first of many. And I'm talking about free ice cream for life.

After the mall closed we gave Erica a walkie and left her in the break room at scoops while the three of us went up on the roof. "Erica, do you copy?" Robin asked into the walkie. lMm-hmm. I copy. You nerds in position or what?" Erica asked back. "Yeah, we're in position. It's all quiet here. so you've got the green light," Robin said. "Green light, roger that. Commence Operation Child Endangerment," she said. I grabbed the walkie from robins hand, "Can we maybe not call it that?" I asked. "See you on the other side. Nerds."

We waited for Erica to tell us she was on the other side and to open the door. "All right, nerds. I'm there," she finally said. "Do you... Do you see anything?" Robin asked. "Yeah, I see those boring boxes you're so excited about," she said. "Any guards?" Robin asked. "Negative." I took the walkie back, "Booby traps?" I asked. "If I could see them, they'd be pretty shit traps, wouldn't they?" I rolled my eyes and shoved the walkie back at Robin. "I swear if she wasn't a child I would hit her," I said. "Thank you for that," Robin told her. "I'm in," Erica told us. "Oh, God," Steve mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. He was so stressed out right now. I rubbed his back and we watched the door swing open. "Free ice cream for life.

We got off of the roof and ran down to the door and headed inside. Steve got on the boxes and opened it. There was a metal box inside. Dustin and I were standing beside him looking at it. He tried to tell us to stand back but we argued with him about it, making him sigh and open the top of the metal box. Inside were round cylinder containers with green stuff in them.

"What the hell?" He said, holding it up. "What is that?" Robin asked. There was metal clanging and the room jolted a little. "Was that just me, or did the room move?" Dustin asked. Erica whispered booby traps. The room moved again and Robin reached for the cylinder in Steve's hand. "Lets just grab that and go." Dustin was pressing the buttons and asked Erica which one to press because none of them would work. Then the lights went out and the room shook. I grabbed ahold of Steve just as the room dropped downwards. "Oh shit."