Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 40: THE NOTE

"Perfect," I said, trying my best to put on a fake smile so that the nurse didn't know this was all a facade.

"You can pop the paperwork here when you're finished. Take care!" She smiled.

"Yeah, you too..." I trailed off as I signed the papers, letting the minutes pass me by as the babies 'ga-ga'd' and 'goo'd' from across the room.

After about 20 minutes had passed, Sam texted me that he was back with the baby seats and that he was on his way up.

"Ready to go?" Sam asked as he exited the elevator across from me, placing the baby carriers down on the chairs I was previously sitting on.

"Fuck, I guess," I sighed, dropping the last bit of paperwork into the bin.

"Bella... why do you think transferred the guardianship to us?" Sam innocently asked, a slight nervousness in his voice.

"I- I'm not sure. Maybe it was an accident. Hospitals fuck up all the time, right?" I breathed, hoping he would agree with me.

"Right," he nodded, shaking out his hands as he took a deep breath.

"Okay, we can't know what's going on until we get home, so let's just go," I stated, walking over to the babies and delicately picking one of them up.

"Let's go home, beautiful boy," I whispered to the squirming baby before placing him in his carrier. Sam did the same and we carefully made our way to the parking lot, triple checking the belts as we placed the boys in the backseat.

"Be careful driving, please," I begged, double-checking that the babies were okay in the back.

"I know, baby. I'll go slow, don't stress," he promised, giving me a small kiss on the cheek before safely reversing and heading home.

"Will you put on 'Light my Love'?" Sam asked about 10 minutes into a silent, yet stressful drive.

"Sure," I chuckled and plugged his phone into the aux, giving him an odd glance, "why?"

"I want to get the boys into good music early, ya know? No better place to start than their dad's band," he smiled, checking on the boys through the rearview mirror.

I smiled, my heart-warming and partial baby fever setting in as I imagined raising a kid with Sam. I always knew that he'd be a good dad, but this was something else. This was a type of love I hadn't seen in him before.

"They look like they're enjoying it," I chuckled as the first chorus approached, turning around to see the babies bouncing around to the music to the best of their newborn ability.

"Damn right," Sam smirked, focused as he pulled into our driveway, "Doesn't look like Danny and Josh are home yet."

"Hm, well I guess they'll have a good surprise to come home to. Do you want to call Jake? See if he's ready to meet them yet?" I asked.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, unplugging his phone (much to the boys detest) and bringing it to his ear. I hummed the tune of the aforementioned song and gently caressed the baby's heads to keep them quiet, and they nearly fell asleep right then.

"He's not answering. Should I call someone? Josh, maybe?" he sighed, his head tilted back against the headrest in frustration. I turned back around and sighed, knowing what was going on almost immediately.

"No, stay with the boys. I can't keep playing this game with him. I'll be right back," I sighed, slamming the door as I began to walk up to the house.

"Yell at me if you need me," Sam smiled, following me out of the car and unbuckling the babies from the car.

"Okay," I chuckled, opening the door and kicking off my shoes.

"Jake?" I called out, not knowing if he'd returned yet. I peered my head around the corner, but nobody was there.

"Jake?" I called again as I approached his room, raising my fist to knock out of habit, but only to find that his door was open.

I carefully stepped inside, feeling as though his bedroom was a forbidden space after so long of him isolating himself inside of it; of him guarding it like some sort of sanctuary. I took a glance around to see Lilli's stuff all neatly folded and placed in the corner of his room, an ashtray full of half-smoked joints delicately resting on the windowsill above them. His bed was made and his room was tidy -though I had a feeling it hadn't always been like that- and nothing seemed out of the norm except for a little white paper folded on the side of his nightstand. Out of pure curiosity, I furthered into the room and sat on his bed, feeling a slight bump under the covers.

"Oh, Jake," I sighed in sadness, my heart aching at the sight of Lilli's favourite sweater as I lifted the duvet. I lifted the sweater and brought it to my face, nearly sobbing as I took in her scent for what truly felt like the last time. 

"Fuck," I gasped as I attempted to wipe my tears off of the fabric, not wanting to do anything at all to tamper with the little piece of her I still had left. I quickly shoved the sweater back under the covers and brushed the tears off my cheeks, attempting to refocus my attention on what had initially caught my eye.

I reached forwards, carefully grabbing and assessing the crumpled paper before opening it, but immediately regretted ever looking at all. 'Arabella,' was scribbled on the folded bit, and that in itself was enough to make my heart stop.

Dear Arabella,

You were right, I'm a coward.

I couldn't stay. I love you, I love my brothers, I love Danny, but I couldn't stay. New York breathes her name just as much as Michigan does; every person I pass on the street looks like her, every song reminds me of her; every time you look at me I see the same hurt I saw in you the day she left.  Every time you speak I remember just why she loved you so much. Every single thing here is a constant reminder of her, especially you, and especially the kids. I couldn't stay, Bella. I couldn't do it and I'm sorry.

The babies' names are Leo Francis Dempt and Evan Ashford Dempt. Leo has a birthmark on his cheek. Please don't give them my last name. I don't deserve to define them.

I love you. I'm sorry.

Jake