Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 32: FLATLINE

TW: heavy mention of death
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"Chorioamnionitis."

"Chorio-what-now?" Sam whispered, confusion and shock riddling his features.

"It's an infection in the amniotic fluid and the placenta. It most likely entered her system after she miscarried the third baby," the doctor explained, "It's now entered her bloodstream, and it's only a matter of time before it causes her major organs to fail. All we can do now is lengthen her time with antibiotics and treatment for the babies so that she makes it through childbirth okay."

I held my hand over my mouth in shock, allowing tears to run down my face as I listened to what the doctor had to say, though I failed to understand any of it.

"How long does she have?" I asked, trying to remain as composed as I possibly could.

"It's hard to say. She'll make it at least until childbirth and potentially longer, but because the infection has gone untreated for so long, I really can't give you a solid answer."

"Fuck," I cried, "Fuck, Sam. I can't-"

"I know, baby. I know," he whispered as faint tears fell from his lashes. He pulled me into him and held me tight, rubbing my back as we both cried into each other.

"Take a moment. Mrs. Dempt would like to see you when you're ready," the doctor empathetically smiled.

"Wait," I said as the doctor began to walk away, "does she know she's... well, that she's dying?"

"Yes, she knows. I'd recommend discussing plans for post-partum care and getting her husband here as fast as you can. Let me know if you need anything else, alright?"

"Okay, thank you," I sniffled, placing one hand on my hip and the other over my forehead as I began to pace.

"How do we tell Jake? It's going to tear him apart," I cried, letting myself fall against the wooden door to Lilli's room.

"I don't think we should be the ones to tell him. It'd be best if he heard it from her, alright?" Sam consoled and sat down on the floor next to me. 

"I can't lose her, Sammy. We've always been together. We lost our virginities to the same person, we've had jobs at the same places all of our lives, we've literally never been apart from each other for more than a week," I sorrowfully chuckled, "and you can't lose her either. She's like a sister to you. I don't know how the fuck we're going to do this life shit without her."

"I don't know either, Bel. I really don't," Sam whispered, leaning his head against my soldier as small sniffles escaped his nose. 

"I can't go in," I whimpered, nodding my head towards the door behind us.

"It's okay. Me either," he agreed; and so we didn't. We sat there in silence for what felt like forever, muted cries and whimpers freely fleeing the both of us until we heard Josh's booming voice echo down the hall.

"Look at me," Sam said, wiping the tears from my face before helping me up, "We can't be here when Josh and Jake come. Jake will know something is up and he needs to hear it from Lilli, okay? Come on," he whispered as he grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway. 

We ran down the corridors of the hospital hand-in-hand, further and further away from the girl I wanted to be with most at that moment. I'd wasted 20 minutes pondering what life would be like without her in my world, and in those mere minutes I could've been by her side, savoring every little moment we had left; but I wasn't. Just like the night she had lost the babies, and just like yesterday, when I was too busy fighting with Sam to realize she was bleeding out on the ground for the second time in 5 months, I wasn't there. It's not my fault, I know that, but I can't get the image out of my head that the first time I'll see her again, I'll see her as a dying patient; not as my best friend. 

"Hey," Sam whispered, "We're going to get through this."

"I don't think I will," I whispered back. 

"You will."

"I won't get through it because Lilli's not going to get through it," I angrily whispered, rage rushing through my veins as I walked away from Sam, continuing my trek down the hallway alone. I heard Sam's footsteps trail close behind me, and the anger I felt quickly diminished into pure sorrow, pushing me to cry harder than I had that entire day; maybe harder than I had my entire life.

"How is it that death never feels like it's about the person that's dying? Are we really that narcissistic that we have to make it about us?" I laughed through my tears, feeling reality start to melt away at each drop that left my eye, "This doesn't feel real, Sam. How can this be real?"

"Because it's Lilli, and she's always been so strong. She's the foundation of our friend group. It's like watching your sibling die," Sam empathized, proving to me that he felt everything I was feeling, but all I could do was nod; further discussing it would just hurt me more.

"Can we go see her now?" I questioned, my red eyes meeting Sam's similarly colored ones.

"Yeah," he said, wiping his tears again though it seemed pointless, seeing as neither of us were going to stop crying anytime soon. He grabbed my hand again and we slowly made our way back to her room in silence, the both of us dreading how hard this was going to be. As we approached her room, I took a deep breath and wiped my face, squeezing Sam's hand a little tighter at the sight of her name on the hospital door.

"Hey," Josh said from the waiting area parallel to Lilli's room.

"Hey, Joshy," I sighed, pulling him in and hugging him tightly.

"Jeez, I thought the babies were okay. What's all this emotional shit for?" Josh awkwardly chuckled, much to the demise of Sam and I not wanting to be the bearer of bad- no- the worst news possible.

"You don't know?" Sam questioned, and I could physically see his heart drop when Josh shook his head, confirming that he was in the dark about Lilli.

"Fuck. Come sit down, yeah?" Sam sighed, motoring Josh and me over to the chairs.

"Josh, Lilli is- she- Fuck," Sam whispered, holding the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he tried to keep it together.

"She's dying, Josh," I blurted, not being able to keep it from him any longer.

"What?" 

"An infection. That's why she lost the baby, and it's why she's bleeding now. It went untreated for too long and it entered her bloodstream. It's slowly shutting down her organs, and she might not live past childbirth," I carefully but bluntly explained as tears fell down my face once more.

"Holy shit," Josh shakily exhaled, rubbing his hands over his face, "Does Jake know?"

"Lilli's telling him right now," Sam sighed, wrapping an arm around his brother. The three of us sat there together crying for a moment, none of us knowing what to say; there are no words in the English language to summarize or curve the pain of a moment like this.

About fifteen minutes had passed before we heard the rattle of a doorknob adjacent to us, and then a door slam shut. All of our heads snapped up, and our eyes met Jake; his hand over his mouth and his stare directed straight at the ground, either not noticing or not caring that the three of us were sitting there.

"Jake?" I softly said, standing up and walking over to him.

"Hey," he whispered, sniffing and quickly wiping his face to hide his pain, though I could still see the marks of where tears once fell down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," I said, breaking down in front of the man who I'd promised myself I'd stay composed for.

"Me too," he mumbled as we crashed into each other, holding our bodies against one another whilst we sobbed; sharing every emotion, every memory we had with her. Sharing the pain, the guilt, the loss we had yet to face. All of the grief at once unloading its weaponry into our hearts, digging its teeth into our stomachs, gnawing away at our throats until we cried ourselves into silence.

And then it was quiet; just for a moment, it was quiet. No beeping, no hushed voices, no Sam and no Josh. Just me and Jake; alone and mourning like we will be when she's gone - when my best friend and his wife is gone.

And she'll be gone soon.

Too soon.