Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 10, Part 2)

356 A Memento

He raised his hand higher, the spiritual energy spiking. He could already imagine the shell breaking. He just needed to make sure that he managed to destroy it in one hit. After all, this noise might alarm somebody. Even with the arrays, that type of racket would be able to be heard outside so somebody would come running in a few seconds.

Jin Ling gritted his teeth, swung his hand, and then stopped halfway through the motion. His mind flashed the smiling expression of Jinde that he still remembered from when he had been young.

Jinde had always smiled in front of him but with living so close together for so many years, he had naturally caught him in other moods as well. The truth was: Jinde's life hadn't been good. He hadn't been as happy as he had been. The one moment when a smile came easily and naturally to him was always when he had to do with children. Holding a child ... that had almost seemed to make up for all the hurt he had suffered before. Taking that away from him ... he couldn't do it.

The spiritual energy faded away and Jin Ling just stared at the shell unhappily. He hated this. He really did. He didn't want Jinde to have a child. But yes, he understand that this could bring happiness to him. Not to mention ... if this child was killed before even being fully formed, just how much would that impact him?

Just trying to imagine Jinde's feelings at that time — all the hurt and anger and disappointment mixed together — he felt angry at himself for even coming up with such an idea in the first place.

No, he couldn't do this to him. He could never take this from him. He didn't want to be the reason for his hurt. He hadn't wanted it in the past and he still didn't want it to happen now.

Jin Ling closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping back. He looked at the shell resentfully but then turned around and instead looked at the door to Jinde's room. He wasn't in but there were traces of him all over the place. He was indeed alive and well just as he had always expected since he heard that Jinde had supposedly died but never been shown his body. In fact, it could likely be said that Jinde was in a better state than he had been in a long time.

Back then, he had regretted not being with that bastard. He had pitied that Qiu Ling hadn't grown up in the capital city with them. He had hated that he had to continue being king when, actually, that wasn't what his heart was beating for. He had been lonely and broken and nobody had been able to fill those cracks in his heart and soul, not even him.

Now though, Jinde was slowly healing. His soul wasn't injured any longer. The lover he had lost had returned to him. Now, they would even have a child together. Surely, Jinde was ecstatic.

Unfortunately, he wasn't a part of any of this.

Jin Ling stared at the open door, very much aware of the fact that he had sneaked in without Jinde or anyone else knowing. Jinde didn't expect to see him again. He didn't want to either. No, Jinde would be alright with it if they went their separate ways forever. But he couldn't accept it.

Jin Ling looked over his shoulder and finally crouched down next to the shell, reaching out to poke it. "I'll let you live but I won't let you have him all to yourself."

Anyway, he could go about this slowly. First, he needed to make Jinde aware that he knew. Then, he slowly needed to reintroduce himself into his life. It would be rough at first and he knew that he would have a hard time fitting in if he couldn't have the role he wanted to have in Jinde's life and even needed to see somebody else occupy it but he could force himself to accept it for the time being.

Anyway, as long as they were back in contact, there was a chance. He just needed to be patient and take this step by step. They were both immortal so what was the rush? If it didn't happen today, then it might happen tomorrow, or maybe next year. He just had to wait for it.

He retracted his hand and then rummaged through his spatial earring, wondering what he could use to announce his presence. It had to be something that Jinde would understand, hopefully something that had good memories tied to it.

He looked for a while and finally, his lips curved up. He pulled out a metal hair clasp and looked at it with a soft expression in his eyes. Jinde had had this made for him when he had been a bit older. That day, he had personally combed his hair and then inserted the hair clasp, telling him that it was a gift.

Actually, it was nothing big. The value it had was emotional. But then, that was precisely why this was perfect.

He closed his fingers around it, telling himself that it was alright to give this up. Anyway, what was a memento compared to the real person? If this could be the first step in getting closer to Jinde again, he would never regret this.

He raised the hair clasp and gently touched it against his lips before putting it down on top of the shell where it would be obvious as soon as Jinde came close.

Smiling to himself, Jin Ling got up, turned around, and then raised his brows at the other door leading to the courtyard. He went over there, opened it, and then walked in after making sure that nobody else was there. Then, he simply waited. He definitely couldn't leave without taking at least a glance at Jinde.