Against Reason (IN EDITING)

Chapter Twelve - First Days Suck

Moving over to the other paintings, Bridie continues to ask me questions about the meanings of the artworks and general questions about 'The Arts'.

The quiet art gallery sets for an intimate time between Bridie and I, as she leans her head on my shoulder and gazes at the paintings patiently, completely absorbing the artwork. Which surprises me as small children get bored at places like this pretty quickly, but Bridie hasn't complained once. 

We stop in front of a medium sized painting, it's of a woman's soul looking down at her empty body, while her husband beside her mourns over the loss of his dead wife. 

It's a devastatingly beautiful painting as the woman stares at her husband with such pain, but relief in her eyes, because she isn't in pain anymore, but her husband is. Which to see a person you love in such grieving pain is heart-aching. 

"As I leave," I read the title out loud, then proceed to explain to Bridie the meaning. We gained a small routine as we reached each artwork. I read the title and explain the painting to Bridie as she gazes at and thinks whatever a four year old thinks about such paintings. 

"The woman is standing next to her body, because she passed away and the man next to her body is sad, because his wife just died. But she's stuck between staying and leaving, because she wants to go to some place better, but doesn't want to leave her husband alone in such pain," I tell her. 

"That's sad," She says and I nod. "Is that how daddy felt when mummy died?" she asks and I freeze. Fuck, how do I answer a question like that?

I breathe in a sharp breath. "Well, people grieve in different ways. I don't know how your daddy grieved, but yes, he would've been very sad when your mummy died. But it just takes time to heal and be able to live with the loss of someone you love," I tell her, pecking her forehead. 

"Daddy says mummy went to heaven? But I don't know how to go there and visit her," Bridie says calmly, but I swear you can hear my heart shatter on to the concrete floor of the art gallery. 

If we were at home i'd probably leave the room, go cry a river, then come back. Because holy shit, this is just heartbreaking. I just couldn't imagine losing my mum at all, but Bridie never even met her, she doesn't know her, only stories and pictures of her mother she's been shown. 

"Daddy is right, she did go up to heaven," I say. "But we can't go there, even if we wished we could, it's just not our time to go up to heaven," I explain, and she slumps a little. 

"Except that doesn't mean they aren't with us, your mummy is always with you, right in here," I point to her heart. "And here," I point to her head. "It's the same with anyone we lose, they're always with us because their memories never leave us, they float around us like the wind and come and go like waves on the shore," I tell her, and I hear a little sniffle come from her. 

She lifts her head up, revealing a wet patch on my shoulder and reddened eyes. "Awe, sweetie," I say, my voice cracking. "It's okay, you'll see her one day," I tell her and she nods. 

She sniffles again. "I just wish I could feel her," Bridie lets out a small sob. 

"Oh, but you can. In the wind, it flows and carries her soul within it and she circles around you in a blanket of love. Do you know how she does that?" I tell her, and she shakes her head 'no'.

"Because she loves you so much that her love for you will never ever go, and you'll feel it everywhere you turn. Through the wind, the trees, flowers and the memories and stories in your heart and mind," I promise her, wiping some of the wet tears on her face. 

She nods and I peck her forehead. Then proceed to whip a tissue out of my pocket and wipe the soggy boogers from her nose. Lovely. 

"Should we go get some brunch?" I ask her.