Love Above all Else

15. Just Be Still

"Yes. If you find him please let him know I need to talk to him."

"Why can't you text him?"

"We don't talk that much over text, and besides, this can't happen over text message. Trust me."

"Okay. Will do."

*Brrrrrriiiiiiiiing*

Suddenly the warning bell rings out. I give Nate a small wave and a smile before I walk away to my first class.

~~~

I am on my way to my thrid class and with each face I see, I hope more and more that is is Marco. No one matches as I pass people in the halls and into classes. Hopefully I will see him at lunch.

I walk to the cafeteria, rushing to get there before too many people get there before me. I walk in and sit at our table, being one of the first ones in the room. I watch as person after person walks in. The smile on my face drops every time I realize they are not Marco.

"What is she doing?" I hear Riley whisper to Chevy.

"I have no idea."

Next I hear Nate chime in. "Shh. Don't interrupt her concentration."

I sit here and watch for a good five minutes as my disappointment grows. Where could he possibly be. I sit back down and rest my head on my crossed arms. Normally I am not hungry but today I need sustenance. I only lift my head to talk to them.

"Someone give me food or I will cry," I call out to my friends. Just as soon as I said it, all three of them scoor their paper trays of fries to me. "I knew I loved ya'll."

I keep my head down the rest of lunch, sneaking fries occasionally to my moth, still hidden ontop of my arms. I watch as a tear drops onto my jeans. The stain looks pathetic.

I don't know why I got my hopes up. Well, I guess I do. I was going to talk to him today, but now I have to wait. That is pretty disappointing. I didn't know he would be out today.

I don't think very highly of myself, but I still hope it isn't because of me. I don't know what the chances of me having that kind of affect on him are. I can only imagine. That is partly why I need to talk to him. I can't just shut him out of my life. If there is something else going on to upset him to that degree, then I would like to know so that I can help him. If I upset him, I want to make it right. We need to be on the same page again.

~~~

I sulked through the rest of my classes.The evening bell couldn't come soon enough. As soon as it rings, I make my way to my car, not stopping for anybody. I take a minute to collect myself once I am in the car. If I don't, I will break down crying right here, right now. Once I am sure I am safe enough to drive, I pull out of the parking lot and drive home. On the way home I pass a group of guys who look like Marco and a couple of his friends, but then I realize it isn't them. That is all it takes for me to start crying again.

I somehow pull into the driveway without any faults. I can hardly see past my tears at this point.

I don't stop to say hi to my mom as I run upstairs and gently close my door, as to not draw attention to myself. If she sees me crying, she will want to calm me down and figure out what is wrong. I love her for being such a good mom, but sometimes I just need the space to cry it out. Crying can be therapeutic if you let it. And boy do I let it.

I get changed quickly into some fluffy pajamas and sink into my comforter on my bed. I turn on The Ntebook. It is a classic for when you need to cry over your problems. Especially boy problems.