That Girl Who Never Cries

Prologue

Prologue.

“Tangina naman Ellias! Mas paniniwalaan mo ang mga kaibigan mo kaysa sa akin?! Ha?!”

“H'wag mong iniiba ang usapan Jess. Alam kong kabit mo si Franco! Tangina niyong dalawa, ang bababoy ninyo. Hindi ka na nahiya, kapatid ko pa Jess! SA KAPATID KO PA!”

“Sira na yata 'yang ulo mo. Hinding hindi ko magagawa ang bagay na 'yon! Pakinggan mo naman ako, Ellias!”

“Hindi mo na inisip ang nararamdaman ng mga bata! Tangina, hindi mo na ako binigyan ng kahihiyan. Nakakadiri kayo!”

“Ano ka ba Ellias! Sinabi ng hindi gano'n 'yon-”

Hindi ko alam kung saan nagsimula o kung kailan nangyari. But one thing is for sure, I was there. Alam ko ang buong pangyayari.

Why do my parents keep arguing and hurting each other, physically and mentally? I was there to see it all. I know it all too well.

I was just a kid at that time when I found out that my mom was cheating with my dad's brother. I was so devastated to the point that I didn't know what to do. 

Without having a second thought, I kept it all by myself. I hid the fact that my mom was secretly cheating. I was too young  and too scared to tell my dad the truth.

What will happen to me if I told my dad about it? Would my mom hurt me? Will she hate me? Will she abandon me?

Those thoughts kept bothering me. And because I'm a coward, I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone about it. And in time, my guilt was just growing to the point that I couldn't sleep at all.

Ang bigat na. Hindi ko na kaya kung hanggang kaylan ko dadalhin 'yong dinadala kong konsensya.

My dad keeps on abusing me, telling me harsh words and even neglecting me. I don't have a good relationship with my father. That's why I thought there was no point in telling him.

As I grow older, I've learned that I'm all by myself, that no one will ever be on my side, not even my parents. Only I am alone in this cruel world.

I became aware of my surroundings. I learned that being silent is the best thing to do instead of telling your pain, and no one seems to care. 

That's right.

Walang may pakialam kahit umiyak ako. Walang may pakialam kahit lumuhod pa ako at magmakaawa na suko na ako, na hindi ko na kaya. Because in the first place, I have no one to rely on. I have no one else that I could run to and cry on.

I've learned that crying won't make anything better because the world is never kind to anyone. Not even in me.

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