Efímero | His Legacy | Formula 1

6. Not a Goodbye, Just a See You Later

May 2014
Hello Axel,

I hope you never have to read this letter. I am only writing it just in case. But if you are reading this it means I'm gone; I am no longer in this world. I am so sorry, I know I always promised that I would never leave you, but I failed, I failed to keep my promise. I am so sorry because I know that if I'm gone you are alone and all in your own once again.

I want to tell you that you are the most important person in my life. Every time see your face I can't stop smiling. Finding you was the best thing I could have ever done. Every time I have to leave you in the orphanage breaks my heart. And just imaging that I will never hear your contagious laugh again, I will never see your beautiful doe eyes again, I will never see you racing again, I will never see you smiling again and much more that I will never see again breaks my heart.

You are an amazing, brilliant, and wonderful person who doesn't deserve what she has gone through. I know you will have a brilliant future, and it makes me sad I won't be there to see it. But I know you will succeed with or without me because you are such a talented person. It calms me to know that you don't really need me to have a successful future. You might miss me and wish I was there with you, but I am not completely necessary for your success because you are capable of accomplishing anything with or without me.

I still hope you don't have to read this letter, but if you are it is because I'm dead. Please don't be mad at me, you, or anyone or anything else, it was no one's fault. I want you to be happy, to live a happy life even if I'm not there with you. I know it will be difficult for you to move on, but you have to do it, and I know you are strong enough to do it. Can I tell you a secret? You are the strongest and bravest person I've ever met.

Remember I love you no matter how far away I am from you and that will never change. I also want you to know that when I met you, I was in a bad place and even if you didn't realize you helped me.

While writing this letter I remembered the first time you drove a kart, the first time you called me brother, all the times you showed me the little games you programmed, the time you cried when you met Sebastian Vettel, the thousands of times we watched Cars, and more amazing memories. And my only hope for you now that I'm gone is that when in the future you recall all those memories with me, you don't regret meeting me, even if I hurt you too much when I left this world. Because I don't regret anything. And when you remember those memories don't be sad because I am no longer with you, be happy with how much we enjoyed our time together. I want you to smile every time you remember one of those times we spent together.

Axel, this is not a goodbye, it's just a see you later. I know we will recounter each other someday. Remember to be happy and enjoy your life. I will always be there for you; you can count on that.

With love,

Your big brother.

P.S. If you received this letter, it means you met Charles. He is a really good friend of mine. I always had the intention for you two to meet, but I guess it never happened. Be nice to him. I know you two will get along well.

After struggling to read the letter for a variety of reasons, I drop myself to the floor and I cry there. I don't know for how long, but definitely it feels like forever.

I regret reading the letter because it made me remember how much I miss my big brother. I thought that wound had already healed, but I was wrong because, with a simple touch, it hurt like the time it was first created.

Even if reading this letter hurt it also brought the good old memories back with him and I smile remembering them how he asked me to do.

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Hey Jules,

I miss you a lot. It's been seven years since you passed away, but it feels like it was yesterday.

I gotta accept that when the accident first happened, I was really mad. I was mad at you because you lied to me, I was mad at the FIA for letting that accident happen, at whatever all-powerful-person-exists for taking away the only person I had left. I was depressed after you died for years, and if I'm honest I haven't been able to move on yet. You were and are too important in my life for me to just move on that easily. I know it's unhealthy to stay tied to the past, but I couldn't let you go because I felt like letting you go was forgetting you, and I couldn't do that, but I think it is time.

I am writing this letter to let you go. I know you would be proud of me. I am not forgetting you, I am just finishing my grief and moving on. I am ready. I am ready to look back at our time together and smile instead of crying. I am ready to try to be happy. I am sorry it took me so much time, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

But while reading your letter, I realized that I can't have the brilliant future you described if I don't move on, if I don't let you go, if I don't finish mourning you and finish my grief. I can't have that brilliant future if I am still tied to the past.

I need you to know that I don't regret meeting you. You changed my life for good. It has been hard to grieve you, but I would do it over again if it means I would have spent that wonderful time with you.

It's time for me to move on.

And like you said this is not a goodbye, it's just a see you later.

Love you. Always and Forever,

Axel Bianchi aka monster.

For me to be finally happy, I had to do this. I am proud of myself. This is the end of an old chapter and the start of a new one.

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Hi people. I hope I have made you cry with this letter. I know this was a short chapter, but I wanted it to be only a letters' chapters. I thought maybe it would have more impact if I did it like this. I hope you liked it. It took me so long to do it, but I still do not feel completely satisfied with the result. In the future I might edit it.

Reminder: both letters are supposed to be written in French.

Love to all people who are going through a rough moment ♥♥♥

~author who creates her fake scenarios into fanfics 😊