I Told the Stars about You

Chapter 22: Tuesday Night

"What do you want to do about Jason?" Rose asks this as if I didn't have a million questions. As if she didn't just tell me she loved me and dropped a bomb in my lap. Because, as I look around the outdoor space, at the tourists slowly caching rides home and the sun starting to lower in the horizon to the forest's level, I can't seem to wrap my mind around the idea that Cassie and her...

"Why would you and-" I hesitate, "you and her, take a video?"

Rose tucks away a strand of her hair behind her ear and hesitantly speaks, "We couldn't be ourselves with anyone else. We couldn't be who we wanted to be with anyone else. We couldn't have photos of each other on our phones but a video, that we could keep on Cassie's laptop where Ryan wouldn't reach it... It just meant we had something for us. And originally, it was a mistake" Rose says, and clarifies at my raised brows,"I put a timer on for what I thought was a photo, and when she kissed me- we just kept kissing and suddenly we heard a noise and a video" She emphasizes, "stopped recording due to my 'lack of storage'. Then we had it and we couldn't bring ourselves to delete it"

I tuck that knowledge away. Look at Rose and nod in understanding, to show her that no matter what she did or who she was with, I'd still be here with her. Then, I move on to what she originally asked me.

"I think that, despite me wanting to break his face for touching you, or threatening you" I try, and fail, to keep the edge and threat in my words out, "We need to play by his rules because he has the upper hand at the moment"

Rose's eyes sink down, her expression solemn.

"I'm sorry" I say softly, "I'm sorry for saying we have to play by his games." Rose's look turns surprised at my apology, at the reason behind it. "I guess I'm also sorry that you have to go through this again, having to love someone in secret."

"What's your opinion regarding what I told you?" Rose asks, eyes on mine.

"What?" I hesitate, "You mean regarding you and Cassie?"

Suddenly, I sound bitter, some of my anger makes it's way to the surface, bubbling up. "You and my sister"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Ash" She reaches out to me, her arm pulling back a second before our hands touch, as if unsure that I would want this. That I would want her.
I place her hand in mine without hesitation. "I'll never be sorry it happened. Your sister," She says, sighing "She was such a bright light in this world. She was so beautiful, and kind, and generous, and selfless- despite what people may have said about her after she-" Her voice wavers, and she visibly chokes up so I squeeze her hand as a gesture of understanding, "after she jumped"

Rose's words bring back memories. Of Cassie and I laughing together, of us sneaking out at night on one of her adventures, of us in that field with dandelions and daisies, avoiding the time the electric fence was on. I remember her smile, the way her high cheekbones crinkled her eyes and her teeth showed. I remember the melodic sound of her voice, the soothing way she spoke to me whenever we talked through our bedrooms' walls. I remember her hugs, the way they seemed to hold me together and give me safety while the world was breaking apart.

I'm flooded with that sense of vacancy, of missing her.

"I understand you, Rose" I say, as honestly as I can muster, "I understand why you loved her. And I would never blame you. There could have been nobody better for her than you" My throat closes up, but I force myself to take as many deep breaths as I can "I really, really wish I could have met you in another life"

Rose gets up, places cash on the table, and tugs on my hand to get me to stand. Instinctively, I look down at her when her hand grazes my jaw in a soothing way, and I fall into the deep of her green eyes, and seem to get absolutely lost for a moment.