Drowning | on hold

29 | Turn right

I needed to clear my head, to let out steam.

Entering the gym it looked half empty.

Perfect.

I went to the changing rooms, stayed in only my shorts and walked out.

I don't care about the looks.

I don't bother doing any warm up exercises and go straight on doing some pull-ups.

My body cold and my muscles calm immediately react to the pressure I put in them.My biceps flexing themselves, I could feel my face burning red as I continue the pull-ups.

One.

Two.

Fire.

I keep my body on action. Touching it's limits, continuing pull ups.

Pushing myself, trying to hurt it. To break it.

I deserve it.

Eleven.

Twelve.

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

Twenty.

Twenty-one.

I couldn't catch my breath yet I don't stop. I think I need the burn on my soul. To give me a lesson. To teach me pain.

That's nothing like the pain I caused her.

It should be KARMA.

It isn't.

Wait for the real fire.

Thirty-three.

Thirty-four.

Thirty-five.

I let go.

My body was actually on fire.

Legit.

However I didn't care. I grab onto the pole again and continue the pull ups.

It hurts.

Not as much as lying does.

It burns.

Not as much as crying does.

It kills.

Not as much as breaking the trust does.

Fuck this shit. I fall down again.

I take a breath.

What did I fucking do?

What am I fucking doing?

Maybe I am bad for her in every single way.

Maybe I am the worst hit in her life.

This started as a fuck, then I caught fucking feelings. I am not mad about the catching feels part but just that I fucking handled it wrong.

Very wrong.

I want her part of my life, more than a fuck, more than a crush, more than a friend.

I thought I was doing right but I was wrong to think that she wouldn't find out.

Was I planning to tell her? Not really.

I grab the ropes and pull them up and down.

I didn't know how to put it out there without being a dick.