Heartbreak Commemoration

Chapter 1

"My love for you felt trapped in a cage; wanting to be free, Like a bird twittering and fluttering around behind bars, confined. Perhaps it's time to confess, would my love still be hidden?

"It's time I didn't care what people thought about me." I said as I looked up after crying my eyes out. "It's about time that I got over him, don't you think?" These were the exact questions I asked myself when I confessed. Now, I've broken. Laying there, Crying. Thinking about all the time we could have had together if I hadn't confessed. I- I honestly don't know what to do or say.

What if I became numb? What if I chose to do everything MY way? Would I still love him? I'm still sad, I can say that, for sure. Confessing was the worst mistake I'd ever made.

I'm Cassie (Short for Cassiopeia) Lindsay, and this is my life. I've broken down after confessing. When I first experienced heartbreak, it was at 11 when my first love left town. I broke, and ever since that day, and I never knew what to do, always crying myself to sleep at night.

Now, I'm 16. I've just dealt with another heartbreak, having been rejected by my most recent love. I had fallen for someone. His name was Blake Green, He wasn't very attractive, with a 5'9 stance and short brown hair that fell over his enchanting emerald eyes. I had recently told him I liked him. He never dealt well with emotions, and being rejected broke me. He may have agreed to a date, but never liked me back, and now I've fallen into a pit of self-deprecation." "Maybe liking him wasn't a choice," I thought, as I stared into my own bloodshot eyes. "Maybe liking him was meant to be." But then I broke down again, not wanting to look at myself in this state. It wasn't that I had wanted to love him, it just- happened? I'm not sure how to describe how I feel.

I met Blake at school, when I was 10, never realising my emotions; I had already fallen for him then. His looks, His personality, just everything about him was perfect to me. I knew I wanted him as the one for me. I looked at him once and fell. Love at first sight, perfect, isn't it? Some fall for the other, while the other does the same. I suppose it's only me that feels like this? Like I've been hit with a brick, no, a building full of shame, guilt, and regret; all mixed in with conflicting interests and also, love. Stupid love, always breaking my heart. We were in a class together, and that's when it all started.

Blake and I used to be the best of friends, at least until I confessed. Us and Rikki always hung around by the Yew tree after school, chatting and laughing about the stupidest things. We looked at memes, and sometimes I'd put my head on his shoulder and he'd gently brush me away, with a soft look in his eyes. These were the moments I'd cherished the most, because he'd always stare into my eyes like I was an angel or something. "As if." Thought my brain. "He brushed you off. Brushed you off. How had you not realised it was a red flag? A sign that he only ever thought of you as a friend?" I sighed and pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to reminisce what used to be a happy memory, but was now one full of pain. I then sat up, and walked outside to meet Rikki before school started.

"Hey, Cass!" My best friend, Rikki yelled. Rikki had been my best friend since I was 2. We'd do everything together. She was a year younger than me, but we were in the same school, so I always got to see her. "Whatcha doin standing there? Come join me in this game of basketball!" See, Rikki was always athletic. She was always moving, hyper with the freedom of running wild with athletics. "No Rikki, I think I'll stay behind today. Something's on my mind." Rikki sat down next to me, putting the football aside. "What's wrong, Cass? You've never turned down a game of ball before, and you barely call me "Rikki" instead of "Rik'' I sighed, knowing Rikki would force me to talk about it. "Let's go somewhere more private. Come over after school?" "Sure," said Rikki. "You'd better tell me all about what's been botherin' you so much, Cass. I hate seeing you like this." "Yea I know, Rik," I said. "I'll talk to you later, alright?" "K, see you!" Rikki shouted, then ran off. I sighed, knowing that this was inescapable.

I got through the rest of the day fine, with maths after our Lunch break. I couldn't focus in class and had to be reminded a number of times to listen. There was just too much on my mind, with Blake having rejected me a few days ago. I fell into a state of deep emotional instability and wondered if I could end it all, would that make everything easier? Blake kept giving me worried looks, which I just scoffed at. "If he doesn't like me, then why does he care?" "He probably just pities me for my confession." I scoffed in my head, though I didn't truly believe what I thought. "Cassie, could you answer number 4 on the board?" asked my Professor, who was giving me a death stare. I quickly gave the answer, "36 and ½ , professor!" "That's correct, Cassie." and went back to my earlier state. When we were dismissed, I walked out of class without saying a word to Blake, which was abnormal as I had always talked to him after class, dragged him with me to meet up with Rikki by the Yew tree. I didn't care if he had noticed the absence, not at all. "Keep denying it, but you'll always care;" a small voice in the back of my head whispered. "Shut Up!" I thought furiously as I walked outside to find Rikki by the yew tree. I didn't say a word and started walking home, with Rikki following closely.

Rikki always knew what was up. She knew my emotions, and knew when anything or everything was wrong. That's why I always cherished having Rikki as a friend. She knew how to comfort, to give advice. We arrived at my house, and I sighed and told her to come in. "Look, Cass." said Rikki, "You may not want to talk, but we have to talk about this. What's troubling you so much?" I sighed, then gave in. Rikki was right, I had to talk about this to release the emotions. "I got rejected." I say as Rikki pulls me in for a hug. "It's okay, Cass, maybe he wasn't the right one for you after all." "B-but I always thought he was, Rik. I can't figure out how to cope anymore. What should I do?" I said, breaking down for the second time that week. "Cry it out, Cass, let it out. The first step to beginning a new era is to let your emotions fly." Said Rikki. Heart-wrenching sobs drove through me. Powerful, but mighty. Rikki held me tight through all of it. She always knew what to do when my emotions got the better of me.