(1 week later)
I look down the hallway, praying that Riley will magically appear. Honestly, I don't actually think he is missing. He's hiding. From what, I don't know.
"You probably scared him off." Olivia says. I roll my eyes. Her eyes study me.
"Just leave me alone." I push away form the locker and leave her standing there. Or so I thought.
"I was talking to you." She grabs my arm and spins me around.
"Did you not hear what I just said?" I hiss at her.
"Oh, I heard you. But it sounded more like the teacher from Charlie Brown." She smirks at me. I, again, roll my eyes and turn to leave.
She grabs my arm again, but this time I swing my other arm around and hit her square in the jaw. She holds her face and falls to the ground.
"You two! My office, now." Mr. Bass, our principal, says to us. I lead the way. As long as this gets me out of class, I'm okay with it.
There's a crowd looking at us as we go. Casper's in that crowd. He gives me a high five before Mr. Bass notices.
We sit down in his chairs and he takes his time, trying to scare us as much as he can. Olivia pretends to bawl her eyes out. I shrink in my chair, trying to make myself comfortable.
"Save it." He says to Olivia. Her tears halt and she looks shocked that someone picked up on her crap. I smirk.
"Both of you, need to stop going after each other. I've had enough of both of you." He picks up his phone and dials a number.
"What are you doing?" Olivia says.
"I'm calling your parents. You two are suspended for the next couple days." Olivia huffs and pouts. "Have fun on your days off, girls."
__________________________________________________________
The whole car ride home, my dad is quiet. We haven't had the same relationship since they discovered drugs in my system. They are most definitely wrong and I'm still racking my brain for answers. But I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of everything.
When he parks in the driveway, I try to head straight for my room but I don't get far.
"Autumn, what is going on with you?" My dad whispers. I stare, confused. He clenches his jaw, just like I do when I'm upset. "You do drugs, you skip school, now this. And your grades have plummeted. So tell me Autumn, what is going on with you?"
I stare, not knowing what to say. He shakes his head. "I don't know who you've become. I'm honestly embarrassed of this you." He waves his hands. "Just, go to your room." I don't have to be told twice.I run up the stairs and into my room, slamming my door on the way in. I sit on the edge of my bed and roll into a tight ball.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I tell myself over and over, my hands covering both my eyes. I rock back and forth, forcing the tears back.
I take Jamie's journal from my night stand and begin reading, trying to get something else on my mind. Something other than the fact that my dad's ashamed of me. I take a deep breath to stop the tears and begin reading.
Today, I met the boy that would break Autumn's heart. He talked to me and told me who I was. Strangely, I believed him. After everything that Autumn and I have done, I believe him. I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy. But that would mean that Autumn doesn't have her powers. If that's what you can even call them. I don't know what they are. I wish I did. Does she know about them? Does she know about me?
I blink, confused as ever at who he was talking about. But besides that, how did Jamie know about my visions? Did he hear the voices too? I keep reading, not knowing what else to do.
My dad knows. He knows everything and he has for a long time. I know who he is now. I know who everyone is. I understand more than I ever have before. What if this is a huge joke? What if this is all part of a way to trick me?
I turn a few pages and stop on a shorter one.
I'm starting to believe there is no hell. Because Earth is hell. The one and only.
He's never been more right. I turn the page.
I hurt someone today. This is the first time I've hurt anyone and I'm so ashamed. My dad doesn't understand but he knows. I hurt myself today, and I feel like nobody.
Oh my god.
Mary, my mother, came to talk to me. She asked me the strangest things. She knows about me and Autumn. She knows who she is. She asked me to keep it from Autumn. So I did. I've already been doing it for awhile. She told me that a darkness is coming after her. She says she's leaving. I told her that I loved her, that we do. She told me she knows, but she left to protect us. That's why Dad and her were never married. Because of the darkness. Now the only one who doesn't know is Autumn. I'm so sorry, Autumn. I know you'll read this eventually. Soon. I know what I have to do to fix this mess.
I turn to the last page of the book. My hands shake so badly that I almost can't read it. The date is from the day he died.
If you're reading this, that means that I'm gone. I'll come back one day, though. To Autumn, I love you and I'm sorry. You'll know what is happening to you when the time is right. You're stronger than anyone I've ever known. I know you're a huge sap and probably crying over this page as you read. Don't cry for me, I know who I am now.
Too late, Jamie. I throw the book across the room and sit in my own little ball of despair. The tears come silently. I crawl under my bed, annoyed with the world. I don't want to be part of it anymore. I pull my knees up to my chest and stare at the floor. The tears don't stop. I stare for what seems like minutes. But when I gather enough courage to crawl out, it's dark and it's been hours.
I make my way downstairs. On the counter is a note from my dad, telling me he's spending the night with a friend at a cabin. I crumple up the note and throw it at the wall.
My brain feels like it's caving in on itself. It hurts too much. I'm not supposed to feel like this. No one should ever feel like this. My chest feels empty. It's like I have no heart, no soul. It feels like a knife is carving at my ribs every single time I breathe. I only know one way to fix it.
I walk up the stairs and into the bathroom. I take one of my dad's razors out of the medicine cabinet and peel away the plastic. Taking a deep breath, I place it against my skin and wonder if this is the right thing to do. It is.
I lean over the sink, my arm above it. The blade glints as I slide it across my skin, the pain giving me relief. As if it released something from me. Blood drips into the sink with a sort of rhythm. It's almost calming.
"Autumn." Riley whispers from the doorway, eyes full of disapproval.
"Where have you been?" I ask quietly, keeping my arm in the sink.
He comes closer to me and takes my arm in his hand. He stares for a split second. His hand wipes across it slowly. When he pulls his hand back, the cut is gone. The only proof that it was ever there is the blood.
I look up at him with confusion. "How did you-?" He cuts me off.
"I have a lot to tell you."
