Love Above all Else

10. Snowflakes All Around

"Don't feel bad. I haven't either."

"It's by choice. Ellie always pushed me but it never felt right. So I'm a virgin." He explains his experience with Ellie and looks away from me. I remind him it is his turn to ask a question. 

"When did you get your first kiss?" He is really sticking with the theme. I laugh to myself.

"Third grade. It was a girl who I was best friends with. She wanted to practice. Years later I realized she liked girls."

"Oh, that's awkward."

"Very."

We go on talking for a couple more minutes asking more questions and giving more answers. 

We finish pretty quickly, so I ask him where the remote is to start the movie. He then reaches around me to the side table. I forgot I put it over there. His body is so close to mine. Time slows down and I can feel his shirt rub against mine as we breathe in and out. The air is struggling to escape my lungs. Is this what they call electricity?

"Here you go." Time goes back to normal as he sits back down and he presses play for me.

I try to ignore what I think I just felt and grab the popcorn off of the side table and ask Marco if he wants any. We both grab a handful and shovel the popcorn in our mouths. Mmm. Buttery goodness. We both sit back and relax to the intro of the movie.

~~~

Now that the movie is almost over, we are starting to get restless. I shift on the couch trying to get comfortable and I incidentally move closer to Marco. He stretches his arm out above me and rests it on my shoulder. I am getting more and more tired by the second; I might as well rest my head for just a minute. He is so comfortable.

~~~

It is dark all around me when I wake up to snoring. I am startled to find Marcos' arms holding me. Then I notice I am laying down on my side with Marco behind me. I slowly try to move his top arm to his side and try my hardest not to wake him, but I stop when he rustles and grabs my waist closer to him. I try one more time and succeed. I tiptoe to the hall closet and grab a blanket for Marco, but when I walk back into the living room, Marco is sitting up.

"Sorry if I woke you."

"Oh, no, you didn't. I just started to feel cold."

"Oh." So it was me. Well never mind that. "It's seven o'clock. You should probably get home."

"Yeah. You're probably right. Can I use your restroom first?"

I direct him to the bathroom and go into the entryway to wait. I walk back and forth, pacing to the ideas raging through my head. I don't understand these feelings in my heart. I care so deeply for him. I consider him one of my best friends. Am I falling for Marco?

"I'm heading out. Text me if you need anything. Bye Belle." He snaps me out of my trance.

"Bye Marco. Stay safe."

We walk out of the house, and like usual I stand by where his car was sitting as he drives away. I miss him already.

What am I going to do?

~~~~~~

"Dear Journal, 

It is getting dark now and I don't think I will be getting much sleep after this. Marco is the onlything in my mind right now. I feel such a connection with Marco. I don't know if it is more than friends, but whatever it makes me feel like I should be around him more than I already am. Like I need to be around him more. I feel pulled to him. Why does that scare me so much?

I feel at peace with him around. He keeps me calm, but also gets my heart rate up at times. That surely isn't normal for friends. I can't keep lying to myself. I like Marco. But I can't like Marco. It would hurt to much to change what we have. But he is amazing. I love his personality and his quirks. His calmness and his way with minimal words. I can't even get him out of my head. 

The moment we had while he was over. When we were playing 21 questions. And when he reached over me and I could feel a connection. Surely he felt it too. And when I woke up in his arms. That was the most thrilling event of my life so far. I keep replaying it over and over again. The feeling of his body on mine. It sounds less appropriate than it was.

I don't know what to do with how I am feeling. Do I tell him? Or maybe it isn't serious enough for him to know. I don't know anymore. I am so confused journal.

                                                                                                                                       , Isabelle"

~~~~~~

It is the first day of winter break, and I wake up freezing in my bed. Why is it so cold? I sit up in my bed and gaze out the window. There is snow covering the ground.

IT'S SNOWING!

I run out of my room and fling myself outside not caring that I am not wearing the proper attire. I am dressed in sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt and no shoes. I do this every first snow of the season. I just can't help it. The snow it beautiful. It feels too early for snow, but I do not question it, and just dance as the flurries cascade from the sky. My favorite time of year. The snow dusts the ground just enough for me to walk in it and fills the sky to where I appear trapped in a storm of glitter. I lift my arms up and spin around in circles. This is a moment that will last forever in my mind. 

Once I am nice and cold, I head inside to snuggle up by the fire. Before turning on the fireplace, I need hot chocolate. The water is heating up while I get changed into some warm and fuzzy snow clothes. I sit down with my hot chocolate once it is done and get comfortable on the now warm couch with a large blanket. Just after I have turned the tv to some Christmas tunes, I hear someone walk down the stairs.

"GOODMORNING!" I yell to the person who ends up being my mom. All she does is wince with how loud my voice is and walks right on by to make her coffee. She can't live without coffee. "Hey, mom. I was thinking we could watch some Christmas movies today?"

"Sure sweety. Just let me wake up first," she mumbles. 

I turn the music down and wait for mom on the couch. Her coffee is done, so she goes to open the back door and the first thing she sees is snow. I know she must feel disappointed. She always has to go outside in the mornings with her coffee. 

"Well that is upsetting." She closes the door and walks over to the couch. She sits beside me, yanking the blanket from my lap. "Share."

I turn up the music and we sit together in the cozy environment.

~~~

"I love A Christmas Story," I say after the movie is finished. We have watched three of our favorite Christmas movies together so far, and Jeanine is still not out of her room yet. Me and my mom come up with a master plan to wake her up. We will sneak up the stairs and slowly open her door. Then we are going to tiptoe over to her bed and jump on top of her. Most people act this way on Christmas but we do this on the first snow of the season. We have other traditions for Christmas. My favorite part of Christmas is the weeks building up to it, but I always hate the dreeriness after all the events are done. So I try to make the most of the time we fave to have fun. 

Me and mom sneak up to my sisters room at one in the afternoon and go through with our plan of jumping on her bed. She yells herself awake and starts to scream. We get off to prevent an argument but she instantly knows why we have done this. Snow. She jumps out of bed and throws on her robe, then runs down the stairs like I did. I stay by the door and watch as she does the same twirl with her arms in the air as I had done. We may not always get along, but we have some similarities. 

I love my family. Moments like these are the ones I cherish the most. It is moments like these that almost make me forget about my boy troubles. Almost.