Still Falling | ✓

11 | confess

Watching her, seeing her live a fairly normal life was enough convincing for me. I drove back to my apartment with questions running through my head. Perhaps Finn had read it and choose to do nothing about it, but that was highly unlikely given how passionately he spoke about his mother. He would want to meet her, at least. He would want to make her a part of his life, or him, hers. There was no way he would choose to live so far away if she mattered so much.

I got out my phone on the elevator ride up and started a text to Elliot.

Me
4:43 p.m.
hey, Elliot. can we meet up? I've got something I really have to ask you.

My fingers hovered over the send button while I stepped out into my floor. I read the text over and over until the words started to make less sense.

What if he never gave the letter to Finn? I didn't want to entertain thoughts of that scenario, because if someone outside the family found out about it...

I halted my steps when I found my path blocked. I looked up from my phone and let out a tiny gasp when my eyes met with Finn's. He looked less surprised to see me, and it took me a second to realize he was standing right next to my door, like he'd been waiting for me.

I switched my phone off and put it away. "W-what are you doing here?"

His eyes stayed on mine, intensely scalding before they dropped down to my neck. Instinctively, my hand went up to the pendant I wore. Admittedly, I kept wearing it after the wedding. I didn't know why exactly I did so, I chose not to ponder on it, but I couldn't deny the sense of calm I felt with it on. Like I still lived in a timeline when everything was different.

He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out an item. He held it up and my eyes went to the tiny chip.

"I found this the other night by your trash can and I want to know one thing: were you going to throw it away?"

I quickly reached for it, but he was faster and used his taller height to his advantage by holding it higher, away from my reach.

"Tell me," there was a demanding edge to his tone.

"You already know the answer, so what's the point?"

"I don't want to assume anything, because it doesn't add up. You're trying to erase memories of us, but then you still wear the necklace I gave you, so it's hard to make sense of it. You made the decision to leave all those years ago, to act like what we were wasn't important to you, but at Elliot's wedding you looked like you might actually feel... regret? That's something I'd also not like to assume, because it might all be in my head." His voice dropped when he added, "The look in your eyes right now might be in my head too."

There was a tight knot forming in my throat, making it near impossible to find my voice. "You were important to me, Finn."

He shook his head like he was trying to get my words away.

"Then why did you leave me?" Pain. There was nothing but pain in his voice. And his eyes. And in his stance, the way his shoulders hung in surrender. Like he was his wits' end. It made my heart ache.

"I wasn't left with a choice." I whispered softly.

He slightly tilted his head to the side, an expression on his face that said he would be needing a whole lot more than that from me.

"Choice? You made your choice, Amanda!"

My hands tightened into fists at my sides in an effort to put up a headstrong front when in truth, I felt like a flawed tower about to cave in on itself.