Goat Love - Messi x Ronaldo

Mbappe's Farm

Messi's POV -

I woke up to the sound of tractors, I was confused so I looked out of the window to see that the whole of the area surrounding my house was entirely farmland.

Ciro asked me if the pig in the house was a new pet, A PIG? Jesus this farm stuff is getting out of hand. I walked downstairs and surely enough I saw Sergio Ramos on his knees with his hands praying to me.

"What do you want?" I asked

"KYLIAN TOOK EVERYTHING!" He cried "HE SAID THAT HE WOULD SELL ME TO BURTON IF I DIDN'T OBLIGE TO WHAT HE SAID!"

"What'd he say?" I asked

"I had to bulldoze my house to make room for farmland... Kylian wants to turn the whole of Paris into farmland."

"What the hell?"

"But, he's not stopping there, once he's done with all of this he's moving onto France, and then, EUROPE." Ramos screamed.

"He already scores against farmers though, I don't understand why he needs to turn Paris into farmland."

"His plan is to make every footballer into a farmer, Paris is the stepping stone into getting his way, so nothing seems too off. Once France is gone he'll be scoring hattricks day in day out in this god forsaken league, then finally once the whole of Europe has fell he can score as much as he wants, you can try and catch up with him but he'll probably make you a farmer before we know it."

"That sick son of a bitch."

Suddenly, my phone rang.

"Bonjour Leo!" Kylian sniggered.

Ramos' face dropped and he huddled into a corner of the house. What a gimp I thought.

"Hello Kylian."

"Ok, so, you may notice the tractors and farmland across your house, I thought I'd leave your house alone considering you're A GOAT! And goats are farm animals! LOL! Get it? Horty horty hor! No but seriously step out of line once and you're off to Kerala Blasters."

"I see, Kylian." I looked at Ramos nervously.

"Well then, toodle pip, I'll see you soon my GOAT. Oh I'm so funny! I can't wait to milk you.."

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Au revoir!"

The call ended. What the FUCK?

"Right then, Sergio, why did you come to me?"

"...can you let me stay?"

"...alright, but you'll have to sleep in Mateo's room."

"Alright! I love that kid!"

"Oh no I put him up for adoption it's just a spare room really."

"Oh..."

The rest of the day I made Ramos do all the work for me around the house, he's scared shitless if I say anything to Mbappe so it's all smooth sailing for me here for now.