WHEN I GOT TO MY HOUSE, I found my mom washing dishes, I greeted her and I headed to my room. All I could think of for the rest of my day was Luyanda and how he was all of a sudden kind to me. Our relationship was not like those couple goals vibe, but surely, it was something I enjoyed. He made me feel good about myself, I won’t lie. He had his way with words. He always had the right words to say to me every time I wasn’t feeling well. Who wouldn’t miss such person? A person who understands you on your level. Though, it was exhausting loving him. I always had to beg.
THE NEXT DAY was Miss Phongolo in her uniform outfit again – a yellow stripped T-shirt and a black dress. She gave us an assignment to write about teenage pregnancy.
“In your assignment, you must write how teenage pregnancy occur, how it may affect both the mother and the father and how it may be avoided,” she said. This were free marks to me because I know how teenage pregnancy occurs. It’s when two teenagers have unprotected sex and as a result, the boy will ejaculate inside and the girl will fall pregnant. We can only stop it if we create two different worlds where only teenage boys will live and another where only teenage girls will live. Simple! In other words I’m saying it can’t be stopped. Not even our parents or the government can. This doesn’t concern good parenting skills or bad parenting skills, it’s a choice one make for themselves and the society they live in. Society plays a huge role in our lives. If sex becomes a norm in the society, then a young girl will feel encouraged to do it. Again, it’s within the morals, beliefs and values of a person. If you can tell yourself that you won’t date a broke guy, surely you can tell yourself that you don’t want to get pregnant by avoiding sexual intercourse or by use of condom every time. There’s no mistake in being pregnant. Immediately when you start having sex, you are giving yourself to any consequences that comes with it. You can be pregnant or catch a disease. Before a thief goes to rob, he knows he might get shot and die, so every possibility lies within his conscious. Before a soldier goes to war, he knows there are possibilities that he may not return, so that conscious lies within him. Before you have sex, you must develop a conscious that you might fall pregnant or catch a disease.
“And before I forget, there’s a camp coming next term,” Miss P said and the whole class screamed in excitement. I really didn’t get it why we screamed since she never told us what the trip was all about.
When the bell rang for the 16th time, it was after school. Fortunate enough we were not rehearsing, so I planned to leave school early. I packed my books and walked out of the classroom and just by the door; I bumped into Luyanda, all smiles. He offered to carry my bag and I was just left shocked. He said no word but just a stare at me. Okay I was flattered I must admit.
“You know you can’t keep doing this, Luyanda,” I said with my face brightened after his romantic gesture. My words and my face said different things. My face wanted him to continue but my words didn’t.
“If it pleases you, my lady, it shall be done with warm heart,” he said with a smile. He walked out my class and I followed him. When we were 10km away from school, he took out a small box from his pocket and for a moment, I thought he was about to propose to me, but luckily it was a necklace inside. If he were to propose to me there, I’ve no idea what I would’ve done or said. Luyanda was a nice boyfriend, but I’m not sure as a husband. I had imagined my husband to be a dark lad from outside Africa – muscular and tall. When he showed me the necklace, I was amazed.
“Who’s it for?” I asked with my eyes still on the gold shiny necklace. ‘You know it’s yours so don’t expose you dumbness’
“It’s for you. This is my way of apologizing to you after everything I’ve done to hurt you,” he said in a serious face.
“Please, Luyanda, not this again. We spoke about this and you promised we’re better off as friends.”
“I can’t be just friends with you.”
“Andazi mfondini...”
“I will be better this time, I promise,” he held my hand.
“I can’t do this right now, Lu. We tried this – us thing – many times, but it never works, didn’t work before and surely won’t work now. Let’s not force something that isn’t there, please,” I said.
“But I am changed man now. See…” he pointed at the necklace in his hand, “I’m doing everything I can to show you I’m a better man. I’ve learnt from my mistakes. Please don’t punish me hard for my childish mistakes. I know I’ve hurt you and I apologize for it,” he paused, “I can’t be without you, Aona. You are all that matters in this world to me. I promise to love you like it’s your last day on earth. I promise to be good to you every day. I want you,” he said.
“It doesn’t matter what we want. Once we get it, then we want something else,” I said removing my hand from his.
“Hear what I have to say,”
“You constantly disappointed me, every day of my life we were together; I always questioned my value; my worth. Am I good enough? Am I worth it? Do you love me? These are questions I asked myself every day. You never cared about how I feel. You always did as it pleased with you. You always compared me with other girls without a need to open your mouth, your actions said a lot. I tolerated your bullshit simply because I loved you. My only mistake was thinking you are worthy of my love and I was wrong.”
Chapter 2
Start from the beginning
