Iris - noah schnapp

.22

_

after waiting with noah for what seemed like hours in the lobby, 2 guards walked in and walked us to an empty room, where my parents and brother were waiting at a steel table on one side.
noah and i sat down on the opposite side, me getting nervous on how they were looking at me.
the guards waited outside before we spoke to each other.
-"we didn't think you'd show." my mother gasped.
-"i just want to get this over with." i crossed my arms.
my dad looked over at noah, seeing his name tag.
-"schnapp? as in mitchell schnapp?" my dad pointed with both his hands still cuffed together.
-"uh, yeah. that's my dad.." he replied, confusingly.
-"i know your dad! we used to be friends in high school." my dad smiled.
noah and i looked at each other, i rolled my eyes and rested my arm on the table.
-"i told you to come alone." my mom mumbled.
-"what did you guys want in the first place?" i asked, getting impatient.
-"why did you call the cops on us?" my brother asked.
-"we didnt, we don't know who did." i shook my head.
-"well still, you know that just because you're out there, and we're in here.. that you can't escape us. right?" my mother asked, scooting closer to me.
i didn't speak, i started leaning away from her and back into my chair.
-"you're our blood. you cant escape the fact that you. have bad blood coursing through your vains."
-"you're going to be just like us."
-"old, drunk, unemployed, and going nowhere in life."
-"you can't escape that."
-"or us."

-"y/n!" noah grabbed my shoulder to get my attention, everyone was staring at me.
it was just in my head.
-"sorry what..?" i replied, looking at them.
-"i said, by the time we get out.. you'll most likely be graduating college.. we have 5 years and 17 months. at least, your dad and i do." my mom informed me.
-"i only have 24 months." he sighed, leaning back in his chair.
-"okay.. so?"
-"so, when we get out.. we'd like it if you were there with your brother to take us home. maybe after prison, we'd be sober and things can get better." my dad smiled.
i scoffed at them, looking at all of them dead in the eye to see if they were serious.
-"do you really believe that? how many times have you been to prison?" i asked, moving my chair up.
they didn't say anything, i could tell they were thinking.
-"see, if you have to think about it.. probably too many. as soon as you got out of prison throughout my childhood, i was always there. josh and i were welcoming you back home and were more then happy to see you. you know what you would do?"

they looked at each other, not saying anything

-"when i was 5 and josh was 8, you left us alone at home to meet with a dealer for drugs, and i was playing around with matches and my brother was in his room and i caught half the apartment on fire. if it weren't for our neighbors that saved us from the house, we wouldn't be here. you'd be rotting in prison."
i felt myself starting to get carried away with what i was saying, i was practically spilling out my entire childhood with noah listening right next to me.
-"when i was 12 and josh was 15, we were put into foster care after the police found out he was supporting all three of us by working at a gas station because you guys were wasting on money on alcohol and scratch tickets. we went from home to home experiencing shit that no child should experience. until you finally got out of jail when i was 14. that's when you guys lost all your money, things were falling. dad, you left me trying to support myself and my mother for this past year. do you even understand how hard that is? to take care of a grown women that's too fucking drunk and lazy to even drag herself out of bed?" i ranted, but they just sat there and listened.
-"so no. no, i won't be there to support you. ill be getting a job and getting my life together and starting it. get a fucking job and do it your god damn selves." i stood up, getting ready to leave, but i felt my brothers grip onto my arm, holding me back.
-"remember this.. nobody in this family has ever succeeded in several generations. they're all either dead or drunk. try not to get hit by a fucking bus on your way out." he growled, tightening his grip.
noah shoved his hands off of me, taking my arm gently, pulling me away from him.
-"we're leaving." he whispered, walking out with me in his grip.
i could hear my brother yelling and cursing at me from a distance, but i just closed my eyes and rushed to leave.

_

the entire half an hour drive home was awkward with noah and i.
i can't believe i said all that with him just sitting there.
that was shit i didn't really want anyone to know about, but it was like i forgot he was even there.
i didn't want to talk about it, i could tell he didn't want to either. he didn't say a word to me the entire way, he could tell i didn't want to be bothered.
my head was resting against the window, watching the rain that trickled down the glass.
noah parked his car in his garage before we both got got out and he held the front door open for me.
i took my jacket and shoes off at the door before hearing noahs voice.
-"y/n." he called as i tried walking upstairs.
-"it's fine, noah." i interrupted him, halfway upstairs.
-"can we just please talk?" he asked as we reached the top of the stairs.
i turned around, waiting for him to talk, but he didn't. he just stood there, trying to think of what to say.
-"i need to shower. we don't have to talk about it." i shook my head before turning around and walking away before he could have a chance to say anything.
i locked myself in the bathroom, leaning my back against the door and slowly sliding down it into the floor, quietly sobbing into my hand.
i turned on the shower so that i was certain noah couldn't hear me, but i had to let it out. there was so much in me i felt like i'd never stop crying.
i was in the shower for at least half an hour, crying the whole way, even while getting dressed and blow drying my hair.
i tried to pull myself together before i could bring myself to walk down to noah.
when i opened the bathroom door, there was a note on the floor below me.
i slowly bent down to pick it up and read it.

"y/n, after hearing about the way you described your childhood absolutely destroyed me inside. youve gone through so much and you're such a strong girl. youre so smart and funny. it seems like these past few months, i've laughed harder than i ever have with anyone. you make me feel like i've finally found something to be happy to wake up about. i really try my best to make you feel safe and cared for as much as i can and i hope i do well, because i care about you so, so much. i really want you to talk to me about things like that. things that bother you, i don't want you keeping all of that to yourself. you're too special to hurt your mindset that way. you're also such a beautiful girl, i feel like any time i'm with you, all i can think about is how amazing your personality is. youre so genuine, you never lie and you're so faithful and loyal to the people you care about and i really admire that about you. i admire everything about you, when i'm with you i feel like i'm losing my mind. you're so fun to talk with, i absolutely love talking with you. our conversations can last hours and i never want them to end. i guess i just wrote this because i didn't say anything in the car on the way here because i was in shock, but i just wanted you to know that i believe in you and care so much for you.

- noah <3"

i felt a tear rolling down my eyes as i read what he wrote for me.
noah walked upstairs, seeing me hold my hands under my eyes to prevent tears from falling.
he rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug, seeing that i just read the note.
-"hey.." he whispered, rubbing my back as i let go and sobbed over his shoulder.
we stood there in each other's arms for a while, i never wanted to take myself away from him.
-"you're hair smells good." he whispered from over my shoulder, making me laugh and sniffle.
i wiped my tears as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
-"i ordered pizza for us. wanna go down?" he asked as i followed up with a nod.
we both walked downstairs, me still in his arms.
i can't believe he really thinks about that for me.
i've never known this feeling..
what is this feeling?
is this what love is supposed to feel like?

do i love him?