Obliterated Beginnings

• 28 •

EVA

I was going to give myself a heart attack.

I was very sure that I was going to give myself a heart attack.

Over the past hour, I'd emptied the contents of my closet and I still hadn't found anything decent that I could actually wear.

Honestly, I didn't even know why I was so beat up about this. It was Axel. I could literally wear anything and he'd be okay with it. Or, more importantly, I wouldn't feel self conscious about it.

I wasn't even joking—I could show up dressed like a clown and at the end of the day, he'd be the one who would actually act like a clown if it meant making me feel better about what I was wearing.

Sure, he might tease me about it a bit, but he wouldn't take it too far. He would never do anything that would make me uncomfortable and that was exactly why I was more myself with Axel than I was with anyone else.

Well, except Omar.

Flinging a white shirt on my bed, I fell back against my closet door, leaning on it and wondering what the hell I was going to do now.

I didn't go out and the few times I did was when Laura wanted me to go to those parties with her. And those times, she was the one taxed with the job of figuring out what I would wear.

I'd never had to bother about it.

Naturally, I would protest at first and want to stick with my usual baggy clothes, but eventually, I would go with Laura's choice, because deep down, I knew that her picks were divine.

If only she were here right now, I'd ask her to pick out something for me and just sit back and let her do her thing.

Now that I thought about it, I always protested over several things at first before eventually accepting that the other person was right or that their suggestion was more fitting.

Was I really as stubborn as Axel often said I was? 

Ugh. Axel.

My eyes fell on the small clock on my bedside table. It was three hours before the time fixated for me and Axel to go out and I still hadn't picked a place. Nor had I settled on something to wear.

God, I needed Laura in my life right now.

I didn't know how important she was until now that I needed her.

But she wasn't here, and I was going to have to figure this out myself.

Jesus Christ, why was I making this such a big deal?

I'd gone out with Axel wearing a baggy hoodie and equally baggy joggers for Christ's sake. If I could remember correctly, I'd also worn slides that were bigger than my feet simply because they were really pretty and I'd never had anywhere to wear them to since I didn't go out.

Okay, I was digressing a little, but the point still remained that no matter what it was I ended up wearing, it would be okay as long as I was comfortable in it.

Just pick anything, Eva.

Sighing, I turned back towards my closet and stared at it as though it was my opponent in a battle field and I wanted nothing more than to kill it right then and there.

Wrenching the door open once more, I proceeded to spend the next five minutes going through it futilely. Just as I was about to give up, my eyes snagged on a pale blue boyfriend Jean I'd gotten the last time we went shopping. It was ripped slightly at the thighs and it was very pretty.