The weeks have started to get faster and my sweet babies were growing faster and faster. I had decided to work part time until the babies were born. Connor had become very busy since his new Hybrid OR opened in the ED. I've started to get closer to his father just for the sake of being civil and I didn't want drama between Connor and his father be about me. Claire had come to visit multiple times in the last few weeks helping me with a few baby things and so had Natalie. Connor and Will had been hanging out and had taken Owen out. It was good practice with Connor and Will.
Seeing Connor playing with Owen was beautiful. He really was going to be a great father.
Today was my doctors appointment and I was so excited. Today I hit 28 weeks and big. Have two was definitely making me look a lot further along. Connor was at work and I was finishing the kitchen cleaning and wiping everything down. My appointment was in three hours so I should have a bit of time to watch some tv or something. I grabbed a few mail envelopes that was on the counter and started going through hem. Mostly junk main and a few bills. I walked over to small desk we have in the corner where we place all the mail at and open the top drawer. My heart stopped when I seen the envelope that came from Rays mother, I had forgotten all about it. "Shit." I thought to myself. I placed the mail down and grabbed the letter. I walked over to the couch and sat down and just looked at the envelope. Memories from the last letter I received from her was coming back. Her blaming me for what happened to Ray and for me leaving him. She had no idea the trams he put me through and the pain. Memories from what happened with Ray flooded back like it just happened yesterday. I felt myself panicking and then started crying. My body was shaking and I want the memories to go away. I could hear the gun shot that I though he had killed me with but ended up being him who was shot. I remember the look on his face when he fell over. I hated these memories.
I felt my chest tightened and my breathing get harder. I stood up quickly trying to calm down. I couldn't get my breath back I couldn't stabilize myself to calm down. I became lightheaded and slowly brought myself to the floor not wanting to fall. Felt the tear come down my face, I placed my back to the wall and tried to relax. I pulled my phone out and called Connor. Nothing. I quickly texted 911 to him. I shortly got a call back.
Connor : "Lily I'm in surgery what's wrong?"
Me: couldn't speak just breathing really hard and frantic.
Connor: "Lily just calm down. Take a deep breath in and out. Come on." You could hear the worry in his voice. "Dr.Rhodes I can take over." I heard Dr.Latham say.
Connor: Lily, listen to me close your eyes put put one hand on your chest and your arm around your stomach. And take a deep breath in and let it out."
I did at j was told and then did it again and again . The room was spinning and I was so dizzy.
Connor: "Lily say something."
Me: "ok. I'm good." I cried. Connor voice became a little clear and I knew he wasn't on speaker anymore. Lily. I'm coming home."
Ten minutes past and the door opens, it was Jay. "Lily?" I was still on the floor with my head hurting. Jay walks up to me and kneels down becoming face leveled. "Connor called me he's on his way home." He sits beside me not talking. I didn't know what to say. He looks over and sees the envelope . "Who is this from?" He asked I hear the door open again and see Connor come in. "Lily." He kneels in front of me and holds me. "What happened? Another panic attack?"
Twenty minutes past and Connor had me in bed as he was calling to cancel my appointment. Jay staid a little while but then left. Connor walked back in our room and sat on the bed. "Your rescheduled to next week." He said kissing my forehead and then placing his head on mine. He climbs behind me and holds me I just wanted this to end. I needed this to end.
