I don't want to feel better

Wooo another chapter

"I don't give a fuck about your shirt." I said and laughed.

I smiled and took in a deep breath before closing my eyes. A few minutes passed if just silence is I listened to the slightly uneven breathing coming from both myself and Tubbo. I could hear tubbos heart beat as we laid down. It was almost as calming as listening to music to try and fall asleep.

Tubbo is such an amazing friend. He knows just how to make anyone feel better just like Ranboo.

As I settled down  and was ready to fall asleep I heard him speak in a hushed whisper.

"Tom's?"

"Yes?" I replied just as quietly

"Why do you want to kill yourself?" He said.

I felt as tears from his face fell onto my shoulder.

It took me a few seconds to comprehend the question.

Why did I want to kill myself? 

I mean, I have great friends and an okay family.

I have all the fans and privlage I could ask for.

I have a great support system and a half decent mother.

"I- I don't know Tubbo. I just can't take the stress anymore and I've made so many mistakes and I... I just feel like things would be better if I wasn't around.." I said in a whisper. I closed my eyes as many more tears threatened to fall.

Before I could contain it, I started silently sobbing. Tears fell down my face so fast it almost felt like streams of water were being produced from my eyes. Tubbo held me tightly and rubbed my back, I cried into his shoulder.

"Shh Tommy calm down. You need some sleep, alright?" Tubbo whispered to me. I attempted to stop crying but it didn't work and only made it worse.

"Y'know what it's fine. Let it all out man.." Tubbo said after a couple seconds.

-time skip cause I feel lonely :,)-

I opened my eyes only to close them again due to the sun glaring into my eyes from the window. I have no idea why we haven't gotten blinds yet but it's okay.

I opened my eyes again to process my surrounding.

Tubbo

Right

I took a deep breath and smiled. Tubbo was asleep but he still held onto me. I laughed quietly to myself before laying my head back down and trying to relax.

I tried to breath in unison with him, I don't know why so don't ask me, but I almost suffocated. A couple minutes passed before Tubbo shifted around and woke up. I moved away from him and sat up.

I stood up slowly from my bed as I placed my hand on the bedside table. Tubbo stood up from the bed and yawned.

He made his way over to the door and left the room. I sighed and stretched my arms over my head. I heard shuffling from the other side of the room and saw as Ranboo sat up in bed.

"Oh hey," he yawned "good morning Tommy.." He gave me a weak smile before laying back down.

"Good morning. it's pretty late for it to be morning, you should get up mate." I said

"Nah I don't feel like it right now maybe later." He responded.

"Alright. I'll see you later." I said and smiled before leaving the room. Ranboo's usually up and about by now.

He probably just was up late last night or he's just tired from content and stuff. I sighed and walked downstairs. My brain fell blank as I was asked how I was doing by various people before it hit me.