Winning His War

54

The bleeding had stopped thankfully but the wound was still bright red while the skin around it looked nearly ready to just fall off. I could already tell just by looking at it that it would scar, a permanent reminder of all that has happened.

The past few hours replay in my mind as I hold the mirror tightly.

Mateo, of all fucking people, it had to be Mateo.

He was always such a sweet kid. We called him Toe because we knew he hated it. We he first came to the house he was so skittish that someone could spill something on him and he would apologize for being in the way. Barrett had called him that once and we all picked up on the way he shifted uncomfortably. It was clear he hated the name and all of us waited for him to correct us but he never did. From then on he was Toe until he grew a backbone and made us stop.

I had sent him away before that day ever came.

I never meant to be cruel to him; I just wanted him to be more confidant, to know that he could correct us with getting a slap to the face. Now I can't help but sit here and wonder if he thought everything I did was just an excuse to make fun of him.

Liam came before Mateo and it was clear to everyone that Liam was more than just someone I looked after. I never tried to hide that, Liam was my friend, he was like Barrett and Dev, he was someone I refused to live without, should I have hidden that? Played off my love for Liam as nothing more than tolerance to keep people from getting jealous while hoping Liam understood he meant more to me than anyone else? Was there really a right way to do any of this?

Dev had tried to talk me out of letting Mateo stick around. He claimed Mateo didn't have the heart of this life. He'd be happier in foster care or back where ever he came from.

Maybe if I had listened to him Mateo could have gone to a better shit house? Maybe it would have ended the same way? Maybe Mateo was always meant to be the mid who slipped between the cracks?

All of this was my fault.

I should have done better. I should have listened to Dev that night. At the very least I should have checked in after he was placed in the group home, but it was a violation of the NDA I signed.

Maybe I should have kept him. Kept all of them really. Liam had separation anxiety for months, Mateo was raped, Jacob's group home was so bad that he killed himself just to get away, Caleb's foster parents beat him, Riley went fucking mute, Riley, who couldn't go a minute without telling some loud joke or an overly dramatic retelling of a boring story. He was the life of the minor wing and he's mute now. I can't bring myself to fathom it.

And this was just 5 of them. What have the other been through because I abandon them?

"We did this," Andrew asked. He sat against the wall with his legs tucked into his chest, his arms around his knees, his eyes focusing on my bloodstains left on his palms. "Didn't we? We did this to them?"

"We could have done more," I sighed, admitting the truth was bitter. "But there's no way to know what would have happened if none of us stepped in. There are just too many ways it could have gone."

Andrew didn't bother responding. It was clear he was in shock and I couldn't blame him.

Eventually our one meal a day came and Patrick was thrown down beside us again and chained to the wall. My stomach churned at the thought of eating and tonight it seemed I wasn't the one who had that problem.

My water was wasted on cleaning the cut on my face. I couldn't afford to let this get infected.

"Are Dev and Barrett even looking," Patrick asked after a while. His voice was broken and void of any emotion.

"Of course they are," I snapped before I could stop myself. "They wouldn't just leave us here to die!"

"It's been a week Jem. You said you texted them. They should have been here by now."

"They will be here. You just have to give them time."

"We don't have much time left," he sighed as he lied face down on the cold floor. "We'll be dead in another week, mark my words."

My jaw clenched in frustration. They've given up entirely, ready to roll over and give into death the second it knocks on their door.

It made me want to scream at them but I knew it wouldn't help so I just grabbed what was left of my water and another handful of Andrew's shirt before settling myself on Patrick's ass.

"This is not the time for that," he scoffed weakly but I ignore him as I take in his back.

It looked a lot like my face; bloody, pink, flesh torn, but thankfully not as deep for the most part.

My hands were gentle as I cleaned him as softly as I could. The trails of blood came up easily but the dead skin broken off in the cuts were harder to move lovingly.

"I know it hurts, just try and stay still for me," I whispered, my free coming up to play with his hair while the other attempted to coax out tissue with the wet cloth.

"How are you so calm about this," Andrew asked weakly, his eyes focused on anything but Patrick and I.

"It's not my first time," I said as if it was no big deal but the silence I was met with was deafening. "What, you thought the scar on the other side of my face just appeared one day?"

"Liam said it was from a knife fight," he said hesitantly. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well he wasn't wrong but I doubt it down the way you imagined it," I teased but it didn't have the same effect on Andrew as it normally does. A blush didn't cover his checks, he didn't bother looking away from me, and an embarrassed smile didn't cover his lips. "There was this thing going around for a while, it was a fight for power really but people took it too far. We were all just kids play gangsters. We thought it would be a cool way to show who was better than who so we made a game out of it. If you catch a gang leader and held him for a week without his gang finding him or him getting away then you won and got to put some restrictions on him or got to take something away from him."

"Let me guess," Patrick mumbled. "You lost and he took your good looks?" A genuine laugh broke through me.

"No you shit, I won. Dev found me within the day."

"Then what happened?"

"He took the loss too hard. The rules were if his men found the leader you let him go and he won. We were so stupid for thinking people would actually listen to that," I said with another laugh. "The guy let me go but pulled a knife when I tried to take my prize for winning. He went for Dev first but I stopped him and it pissed him off more. I never was a good hand-to-hand fighter, I preferred guns even back then so it didn't take long for him to pin me against the wall. The knife was aimed at my eye but Dev being Dev stepped in and he missed."

"You and Dev," Patrick sighed as I finished the last of his lashes. "How do you two get yourselves into these situations?" I only hummed and tried not to think about it.

"Dev and I had been fighting when that happened," I said mostly to fill the dead air. "I threatened to make him leave the gang if he kept nagging and had stormed off. If he found me after that, with no resources other than coffee and friendship I swear he'll find us now. Just have faith in them."

"I hope you're right," Patrick whispered as I crawled off his ass and lay beside him. There was a pain in my back but the cold ground numbed it quickly while Patrick's head on my shoulder insured I never left the position.

I reached a hand out to Andrew but he only stared at me blankly. After a while I pulled my hand back and let it rest on my stomach.

I stared up at the celling thinking about how things could have been different while my eyes slowly grew heavy.

My last thought for the day being 'Dev better be on his fucking way'

Last updated July 13, 2022