Nevermoor Requests!!

(TW-SH) Jupiter Angst

"Where are you going?"

A place you wouldn't want to go.

"When will you be back?"

When will anyone do anything about everything?

"What am I gonna feed myself?"

You'll come up with something, you're a smart kid.

-ring-

-ring-

-ring-

-voicemail-

A young Jupiter lets out a cry of frustration. The fourth missed call from Father from today alone. Father never tells him where he's going. Fancy explorer stuff, Jupiter thought glumly. Father would never tell him anything. Anytime Jupiter asked a question, he responded with unclear phrases and a pat on the head. 

And he'd forget about it.

Until he remembered he was all alone.

Until he wandered the dim, narrow halls calling his Mother's name, only to realize that she would never be able to hear him. The dark clouds around her were so thick that Jupiter couldn't even see her face.

Until he realized that everything in the house was dark. 

Colors swirled around his father, with only a few that Jupiter could decipher. Love, he knew, for when he was so blinded by it in the before. Pain, he knew, for it swallowed him now. Others he would come to know as stress, guilt, frustration, and anger. He would later come to the realization that his father was slowly leaving him. Cheating his son. Cheating his wife.

Young Jupiter had much time to contemplate the actions of his parents. He came to the upsetting realization that his father was having an affair and only sticking around as to not get in trouble with CPS.

It makes sense that his mother had been banned from the League of Explorers for excessive risk as a result of bipolar disorder. The family lost their money, their home, everything. Jupiter didn't know who was more upset: his mother or his father. His mother tried to compromise by sacrificing her money for her meds. 

It didn't help. She only got worse. Father only married her for the money, and now that it was gone, he moved on to another woman. Staying only in Jupiter's life for fear of punishment.

He's a coward and a gold digger, thought young Jupiter. He sat alone on the floor of 'his room'. A coward. A coward a coward a coward. "A COWARD," he screamed. Jupiter pounded his fists of the hard floor. "HE'S A COWARD!"

Thud. A fist hits the wall.

Crack. A chair is bodyslammed. 

Smash. A window is shattered.

His fists are bloody and his head hurts, but God he feels so much better. 

It's so good to hurt, he thought. It's so good to hurt just like Mother and Father. Then maybe I'll understand them. 

IlovethepainIneedthepainIwantthepainIlovethepainIneedthepain

Mother's sad because Father's still around.

IlovethepainIneedthepainIwantthepainIlovethepainIneedthepain

Father's still around because I'm still around.

IamtheproblemIamtheproblemIamtheproblemIamtheproblemaburden

Would they be happier without me?

Yesyesyesyesyesyes.

Nononononononono.

No. 

I'm never gonna be like them. I'll never abandon anyone. I'll protect everyone. 

Father always told me being mature was being serious all the time. Being like him and like Mother. 

If that is what mature is, I do not want it. 

I do not want to be serious and sad and abandoned.

I do not want the pain, nor need it nor love it. 

I want to love and to be loved. 

I want to be their polar opposite. 

I wanna be popular and funny and kind and loyal.

I don't wanna live like them.

I never wanna close my eyes ever again.

Because then I'd miss all the fun.

---

Jupiter abandonment issues ayyy

request from irl friend