Smoke ||Book Two||

Chapter Six

His mind raced with the possibilities. It was likely that the years had changed him and he wouldn't be recognizable. If something traumatic had happened to the family, they could refuse to trust him especially with the life of their only daughter. Joel could have easily been offended if he found out Nix followed him from the marketplace.

Despite his concerns, Nix kept to himself. If he wanted things to go in his favor, he needed to be calm and without worry. He had the entire trip to Adessa to worry. Now within the gates, there was no room for concern. He was only here for Anjiila, and Anjiila alone.

Not wanting to raise suspicions, he lingered outside the trees to be able to claim he found his way entirely on his own. Sitting in the shadows of the willows, Nix puffed out a sigh and prepared his mind for the memories that were about to come rushing in. The night he had met the Heartsman family had been the night he realized that he was too weak emotionally to kill Cassandra. He had killed a fellow soldier that night in order to keep her safe. He smirked at the thought, wondering how he had once been so incredibly dense. If Nix hadn't wanted to kill her because of how kind she was to him and had gone as far as killing a comrade to protect her, why hadn't love been the obvious answer? Why had he continued to search for a way to carry out his mission? How had it taken him so long after that incident to realize his feelings?

The smirk was quick to fade away as a name came to mind.

Roman.

Years spent away from Phaepyr and instead spent with family and friends who genuinely cared for Nix had made him realize that his entire childhood had been a lie. Everything he had ever been taught was wrong. Manipulation and fear tactics thrived in Phaepyr, especially when it came to Roman. It was how he controlled all those beneath him; it was how he had once controlled Nix. It had taken some time to fully come to terms with the extent of the mental abuse, but it had finally answered his question about why things happened the way they had.

Nix had been too afraid to fail a mission and report it back to his king. Consequences included beatings, poison, starvation, among other horrid things. Death was high on that list for others, but not for him. Nix had been too important to Roman to kill so easily. Even if it had come down to that, Roman would have never killed him as punishment before Cassandra. Death would have been a blessing in disguise for the young man who had lived every moment beside Roman; to the child that had been told he had murdered both his parents and no one but Roman would ever care for him.

As his mind traveled away from him, Nix forced himself to refocus. Dwelling on the past wouldn't change it, no matter how he willed it to. He could only be grateful that he met Cassandra before her death, and be thankful that she had somehow seen the good within him. This would be the way he could pay her back and avenge her death.

Believing that enough time had passed since Joel had returned, Nix inhaled a deep breath and straightened out his story within his head. He ducked beneath the branches of the weeping willows and slowly walked through the cobblestone steppings as the humble home revealed itself. It was just as he remembered it, except it looked more put together. The years hadn't taken a toll on the land. It looked far better than it once had. Flowers were blooming around the outskirts of the property with a garden set up near the backyard.

It was hard for Nix to focus, especially given the circumstance. He kept his eyes forward as he approached the front door that had a fresh coat of navy paint. He pulled his fingers tight into a fist, focusing on the sensations across his palm as he thought it over one last time. He was going to come face to face with a part of his past he wasn't proud of and would have to do so without hesitation. It felt like he was diving straight into a wound that had nearly healed, but would be torn open as soon as he made contact. Surely, the years prepared him for something like this.